Why Can't I Just Feel Indifferent Anymore?

So I used to enjoy the thought I felt indifferent towards pretty much everything in the world. I just really didn't give that much of a shit about anything. I liked that. I could just walk around, and yet have no place in the world all at once. It was like I was hardly even there.

I'm still hardly where ever I am, but only because I rarely talk. And now I just get pissed at everything, mostly people. I can't stand the human race, as a whole. Like, you can break it down if you want, but I'm not going to do that. I don't have time to hate each sub-race, because I hate all of them.

It sucks. The only time I'm happy around people now is when I can make fun of them, usually in my head of course.

In my lit. class, our teacher often hands out things in class to read. And since it's a critical reading course, we read them out loud since everyone is much more likely to concentrate about something when you have 7 different people reading it. I find it hard not to completely understand the author's true meaning when I have to sit through my classmates reading out loud.

Now, like I mentioned, I don't talk. I could mean in class, which is true, but it's also true outside of class for the most part. So when we have to read in class, I don't look forward to it. Plus I usually sit in one of the rows up front, so I pretty much read every time we read as a class. It sucks, kind of.

There are a bunch of people that sit around me that I think are arrogant douchebags. Or we could call them know it all pricks. Either works. One guy, who fucking doesn't show up for like 3 classes in row and is upset because he can't get full credit for the work he missed. And he just so happened to miss the three classes where we had to turn in two papers and took an test that is somehow doubling as a midterm I think. I'm confused. We had two papers due one day, the next class she wasn't there, but we had a sub or just a friend of hers come in and say we had a test. Oh well, fuck you guy.

Then there's the other kid who sits in his row who makes terrible jokes, then always turns around the rest of the class with a smile, except nobody found his joke funny. It would be sad, if I felt sadness for people other than celebrities. He does this every class, some days multiple times in class. He's another failed joke and turn around from throwing a pie in his face, standing up and dancing around, while crying and saying, "So guys, this is funny, right? You're laughing with me, right?" I kind of hope that happens, because I hope the stream of tears would clear out the pie covering his cheeks, so his face would have pie covering it except for those two (should I go with Trail of Tears here, or just say tear streams? Text 1 for Trail of Tears, or 2 for tear streams).

Well, it seems this has become long-winded. Anyway, while those two fuckers talk all class about their interpretations of whatever pro-feminism text we're reading, I secretly hope we get to read out loud too. You see, they can't read. Well they can, but they barely make it through a paragraph. They stumble on a few words a sentence, mispronounce things or just read words completely wrong. It's great.

I'm sure they don't care, and I know it's easier to read in loud opposed to out loud. By the way, can we start calling reading to yourself reading in loud from now on? I'm gonna.

But these guys just suck at reading. I'd be embarrassed for them if it wasn't the best part of my week. Yeah, that's how my life's going.

How about one more I hate someone in my class story? Alright, this one is a girl in my writing the review class. In that class I have someone I know from the newspaper, so I end up talking to him, but still not really out loud. We knew pretty early on we wouldn't like this girl because she was ugly. No, well, she is, but she's ugly on the inside too. We cut her open.

She always seems to bring her mother into her stories. She commutes to campus, so she still lives at home. Our first review was of a TV show we watched in class that was about to debut. Our teacher is a music critic for the local paper, so he got the TV critic to give him the DVD of the show, so we could watch it before it aired. The next week, or week after that, the show had premiered. It wasn't really that good, and I think most people felt that way, so none of us bothered watching it on TV.

Except this one girl, who watched it with her mother, because they "have a similar sense of humor." She then went through the episode and told us in detail about what differed from that version to the one we watched. She also told us what her mother found most amusing. Since then, she's told about a story a week involving her mother somehow. Whenever she says anything now, my friend from the paper, who sits next to me (or do I sit next to him?), always writes in his notebook, "but what did mom think?" Or some variation of that. Strangely, this hasn't gotten old yet.

For her movie review she went to the movie with her mother. She didn't really get it, thus we got a story about the conversation she had with her mother after seeing the movie before she wrote the review. We got a story about her boyfriend and her listening to the new Metallica CD, and deciding she couldn't review it, so then she went with the new Miley Cyrus one. Oh, how ironically hilarious. What? And you thought it sucked? No.

This past class we got two stories involving her sister. Or two stories involving her two sisters. We weren't sure. So now I'm just waiting on one from dad so my life will be complete.

But that's not all she does that pisses me off. She's also one of those people who feel the need to talk about things nobody has ever heard of. I don't dislike that at all, really. I like learning about new things. What I don't like is when those things are introduced by saying, "I bet nobody here has ever heard of this." That's when I go from, "Hmm, I'm interested," to "Hey, fuck you."

She's done this a few times. Either nobody has heard of whatever she's mentioned, or just didn't feel like raising their hand and possibly having to talk to her. I guess that's why I wasn't really suprised when she was the only person in the class to say they liked a review from Pitchfork that we read in class. Actually, we read two- one was really thorough and well done that most people liked, and the other was I guess what you'd call a more typical Pitchfork review, which the first six paragraphs talking about a time the reviewer fell off a merry-go-round, tried to get back on, but fell again and cut his/her hand, and how listening to this record took them back to that memory, with some Greek philosophy thrown in towards the bottom. She liked the second one.

We have to do an oral report on a critic of our choice. She went last class. She got up and said, "Okay, I bet none of you have ever heard of my critic." She named her, but I forgot the lady's name. No one reacted. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

She then rambled on for 10 minutes, I think it has to be about 3-5 at most, about her idol, who was a reviewer for Game Informer. The reviewer was her idol because she was a female, as is this girl. She mentioned the woman was her idol no less than five times.

Then the next guy to give his critic report also did a video game reviewer, and his report took all of 20 minutes, seriously. Everyone in the class, including the teacher, was bored out of their minds. Sticking with the theme of things that are unnecessarily long and really boring, are you still reading at this point? Really? I won't feel bad if you stop here. I would if I didn't feel the need to vent.

Anyway, he said some critical things about the gaming industry, which she took offense to. After his report he asked if anyone has any questions. Her hand shot up. "Yeah, what first-person shooters have you played." Everyone in the class exchanged looks of, "If you kill her, I'll back up your story." Nobody did.

They then talked about what games he's played, and other gaming inquiries of hers, for another 10 minutes. The teacher watched on, not even attempting to stop it. One girl in the back of the class shouted out, "Can you two just IM later?" I don't know if they did. Maybe they spoke over XBOX Live.

Anyway, I hate people. Sorry this was really long, but chances are you aren't reading this. I guess I could just say anything here and nobody would ever know would they? I won't, though.