I'm Getting Old

I just realized my time has passed. I'm getting old. Like, old people old.

It was pretty cold today. Cold enough I almost wore a scarf. And it's always really windy around here. Maybe living in a city where you can look at a point where three rivers meet isn't the most wind-unfriendly. Who would've thought?

So yeah, cold. I'm walking on a sidewalk. I pass a burger place. I'm just about to walk by the door, when it swings open, not nearly hitting me but that would make the story better, so nearly hitting me, and out walk about six teenagers. I assume they all go to the same high school, and that that school is a Catholic school. I assume this because they didn't even seem fazed when I smacked them with a ruler. And the uniforms.

There were two girls, in skirts. They couldn't have been older than 16. And the skirts were really short. Alright, right? Nope. One girl had on some pants under her skirt, but the other girl didn't. And my thought process went like this when I saw them.

Oh, look, she's wearing pants under her skirt. That's good. It's really cold. Oh wait, her friend isn't. Wait, what? Her friend isn't? It snowed earlier today. Did her mother see her leaving the house with a skirt that didn't even go down to her thighs on? Should I say something, like she should really dress warmer in this weather? Nah, but it's really cold. I hope she's not walking somewhere far.

And that was it. I know. Normally, Adaham loves to pretend to be a pedophile. But this wasn't the Internet; this was the real world! It was so cold, so so cold. I mean, I guess I was never a big mini-skirt fan, but that's because I fantasize about marrying a woman that's either Amish or an Orthodox Jew. With them, my sex dreams involve watching them put on a pair of shoes and sneaking a peak at an ankle. This was just absurd.

A few minutes later it hit me. I'm old. It was windy. Girl in mini-skirt. I should've been all, Hey, I hope the wind blows her skirt up so I can see her undergarments and what not. But I wasn't. I wanted to tie my jacket around her waist. Because I'm old. And a loser.


Had she been a middle school, though...