I was no aware, but the game comes with not only a guitar, but drums and a microphone. I thought that was Rock Band, but apparently they both do now. I don't know. All I know is, by the end of the night, I got to sing Korn's "Freak on a Leash" into a working microphone and it was the greatest moment of my life. I can't really say any other songs interested me too much, but then again, it's not my game so fuck me, right?
I guess this evens things out a bit in terms of gifts. My brother and I now stand at one apiece- he got Guitar Hero, I got a book. But to be fair, it was a book I asked for and have enjoyed reading quite a bit. Plus, my parents did once again feel bad while we were out and asked if I would like to get something as well. I said "thank you, but I'm fine." I did. I know. I suck. A lot. I don't want to lie, though. I did check to see if Best Buy had the third season of SNL on DVD, but it appeared they didn't. Had they, though, I imagined I would've asked for that.
So yeah. That was Night Six. Onto tonight's stereotype: Jewish mothers! They're loud, annoying, overprotective and love to brag about their children. All true. One hundred percent true. What sucks for my mom, unfortunately, is that between my brother and me there really isn't much to brag about.
I imagine conversations with fellow Jewish mothers go, "Oh your son is a little upset about going abroad next semester because he's going to have to leave behind his Jewish girlfriend of a year and a half, whose family has a summer home in the Hamptons? Well I'm sure he'll be just fine. It will go by quick. Oh, how's Adaham? Well, he still hasn't been arrested, knock on wood."
It's true. I have yet to be arrested, and I'm pretty happy about that. Although if I want to release this rap album, that will change, of course. I'm going to need all the street cred I can get.
Back to mothers being overprotective. Did you know my mom tries to contact me practically everyday while I'm at school? She does. We don't speak everyday, though. But we do speak more days than we don't. That's fine, though. I'm not that big of a dick. I'm not going to complain about that. What I am going to complain about is if she calls (or now texts, which sucks) and I don't pick up or call her back right away she keeps calling or texting. I mean, I do have class. I take showers. I accidentally leave my phone turned off for extended periods of time.
And every second between her contacting me and my not answering or calling her back, horrible thoughts are going through her head. It's fucked up, but true. She worries, about everything. So say she calls me at one, and I don't pick up or text her back because I'm in class. At about 1:10 I'll get another call or a text: "Where r you?" Then if that's not answered, it'll probably be another 20 minutes before the next call or the same exact text. I don't even want to think what she's thinking about at that point, but it probably involves me being mugged or tied up or falling down a well where nobody can hear me scream. She's insane.
Maybe I'll get another text or call a little bit later, and I'm aware this makes me seem like a horrible son. I know. Just shoot her a quick text saying your in class or something. I get it. But I want to learn. And since I was raised by this neurotic, insane woman, I too share some of her insanity. So you get about four calls or texts in the middle of the day from your mother, who should realize you're a student and in class. Now I'm thinking something terrible has happened.
Then I'll call her as soon as I get out of class and it's usually one of two things. One being, she forgot what she wanted to tell me. The second being something really non-important. If that's so, it goes like this...
Me: Hey, sorry I was in class. Everything okay?
Her: Yeah, I was just calling to tell you Tina Fey is on Conan tonight in case you didn't already know.
Me: I did not know that, thanks for the heads up.
You see, for all their craziness, Jewish mothers are quite caring. I can't deny that. They're nuts, but loving. They mean well. Yeah, this paragraph is Adaham's mother typing. He's a sweet boy, please be his friend.
It's this caring that leads to the nagging, and they nag about everything. I like to think I do alright in school, and always have without my parents feeling the need to push me. And I think this still works. So my mom doesn't nag about my schoolwork, because she knows that will get done. I get nagged most often because I'm incredibly anti-social. I get the "make friends," "go somewhere this weekend" and her most popular, "why can't you get a girlfriend. You don't have to get married, just go out with a nice, sweet girl. Any girl would be lucky to go out with you." Yeah, that's pretty much what I've been hearing for years. It's been quite sometime since my mom has been a girl and she's a bit biased when it comes to me, though, so I doubt she's aware that any girl would not be lucky to go out with me. No, it wouldn't be luck. It'd be desperation, a mistake or maybe even pity. But certainly not luck.
I will give her this. When she's telling me to get a girlfriend, she's not pushing me towards a Jewish girl. I'd like to think this is because we're not religious folk, and it would be ridiculous to want me to only date people of the same religion, a religion we do not celebrate at all. But if I'm being honest, I think she's at the "just date anyone, please!" phase. So I've got that going for me, which is nice.
And while she doesn't seem to care what religion my future potential girlfriend is, her dream girlfriend for me is Jewish. And she's Natalie Portman. I mean, it's a nice thought. But in all the things Natalie Portman is looking for in a boyfriend, I probably possess zero percent of those character traits. Yet whenever she's on TV, my mom will say "Oh, there's your girlfriend," or "She seems sweet. Why can't you find a girl like her to date?" My mom has pretty much ruined the Star Wars prequels for me.
That came out a bit longer than I expected. I guess I have a good deal to say about Jewish mothers, and thought real life experiences would be better than just making everything up, not that I've made up anything I've written in the previous Chanukah entries. Anywhere, tonight's example in entertainment:
Helen Seinfled (sorry for the second Seinfeld reference, but that show was just sooooo Jewish)
And a bonus example in entertainment:
Sheila Broflovski
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