SD BEGINS: Night Four

Good evening fellow humans. Good evening non-humans who may be reading as well, just in case. It's Night Four. This seems like a good time to mention that no, my family does not have a menorah on display anywhere in the house. Most Jews place them in the window so everyone can see. Or at least that's what most people think.

In reality, in heavily Jewish-populated ares (like the one I live in) have been planning a reverse Holocaust for some time now. And yes, it's a reverse Holocaust because us Jews aren't the creative type, and that's all we came up with. That took us eight years too. We're still finalizing some details to make it official, so non-Jews need not worry just yet. We just can't seem to fully agree on everything just yet.

Anyway, the RH will occur during Chanukah, and the way we'll tell who is Jewish is by menorahs displayed in windows. Think of it like putting lamb blood on the front door of your house so God wouldn't kill your firstborn child, thus passing him over and creating what we now know as Passover. Yeah, I used a Passover reference. So if the angry mob sees a menorah in the window, that family won't be taken from their home and put in a death camp.

Um, since it's not time for the RH just yet, my family hasn't put out a menorah this year. My did make some matzo ball soup, which was awesome. We had some Chinese food tonight, which is pretty Jewish.

I guess in Night Three's entry I said tonight I'd go over a few Jewish stereotypes and tell you why they're true. I'm only going to do one, since I'm lazy. Plus, I'm going to start making these shorter because they suck. Better yet, just stop reading. At this point it's more for me than you anyway. And on top of that, I really want to get to sleep, because my family is waking up at six in the morning to open our Christmas presents together, and I'm really excited about that.

So tonight's stereotype is that we're all cheap. Correct!

Sufficient enough? Alright, we'll keep going. All Jews are cheap. It's very true. You see, us Jews need to save up as much money as we can early in life so we can move to Florida later in life. Once there, though, we don't stay. We own a house or apartment in Florida, but spend all of our time cruising or traveling the world. Plus, we need money to get our grandkids gifts.

But being cheap didn't begin for this reason. No, when the Jews were first released from JewZoos, it was of course hard for Jews to find work. And they certainly weren't treated as equals, so they would make women-like wages. Some were able to successfully pretend to not be Jewish, but for most, nasally voices and huge noses did them in. Money was tight, and not exactly flowing in, so Jews learned how to live without spending it. This carried over, until things worked out that Jews started getting higher paying jobs, but living exactly as they had been living all along. This ended in Jews having a lot of money saved up late in life, thus allowing them to travel. This is now seen as the standard way of living for Jews, and if any Jewish person you know isn't cheap it's most likely because they hate themself or have been exposed to a lot of non-Jews. Example in entertainment: George Costanza.