Night Five

Hello there blog fans, and a merry Christmas to all those celebrating, and of course if you're reading this, it's a pretty safe assumption your celebrating is all done and you're really bored.

As the first paragraph mentioned, today was the first day of Christmas, which overlapped with the fifth night of Chanukah. Jews like to party a good deal on Christmas. It's been well documented that Jewish Christmas' comprise of eating Chinese food and going to the movies. We own those places on Christmas. It's insane.

If you're in a Chinese restaurant on Christmas, and service is a bit slow because it's so packed, speak up. You just have to shrug and raise your arms a little bit and say, "Eh, what does it take to get a little service around here?" in the same accent you'd use to say you were from old country. And every single person in the restaurant will agree with you, because Jews love to complain and help their own. Jews just spend Christmas out and about and complaining about everything out loud. There's no non-Jews around to judge them. It's a Christmas miracle.

My brother took part in Jewish Christmas today by going to three movies with his friend. And to make it even more Jewish, they only paid for one money. "Eh, with movie prices these days, seeing three movies for the price of one is still highway robbery."

I too went to the movies, granting Dmur Temporary Jew Status, whether he likes it or not. We saw "The Spirit." As Dmur put it, "Eh, could've used a little less talking and a little more Eva Mendes tuchas." He's a quick learner that one.

For tonight's stereotype let's go over the one about Jewish people not ever wearing socks. It's one of, if not the most hateful stereotypes thought of the Jews. I swear, one time a kid on the bus to school asked me if I was wearing socks, or if I was a "good little Jew boy and left my house with naked feet," and I murdered him. I just placed my hands around his neck and squeezed until his body became limp. Then I kept squeezing him, and shook him and then bashed his skull against the window, splattering blood all over the place. Kids cheered. I live in a very Jewish area.

Anyway, no socks. It's true. We don't often wear socks. This is because Jews are really hairy creatures, and this includes our feet. And socks, even the "thin" ones, are heavy. And when you have feet that look like Cousin Itt, wearing anything unnecessary (like socks) just brings on the sweat. It's terrible. Your socks get all wet, then your shoes get all squishy and it makes humorous noises when you walk. And if there's one thing Jews hate, it's humor. Find me one Jewish comedian or humorist.

So there you have it. Jews are hairy and don't want to sweat. Thus we don't wear socks. Perhaps this contributes to another stereotype of ours-- that we smell-- and that seems like a pretty safe assumption. We do smell. We don't wear socks. You can make the connection. And really hairy objects smell. That's a thing, right? Hairy stuff smells bad? I think so. There you have it. Jews are smelly. Why am I still talking? I don't know. Anyway, example in entertainment: obviously, Cousin Itt (he is Jewish).



Come back tomorrow when I have clearly run out of ideas and will talk about Jewish mothers. Expect lots of examples, or just more than one.