Final tally- no menorah displayed, three family members seen, a book, a gift card, three CD's, no gelt, roughly six bowls of matzoh ball soup, an unknown number of latkes and four movies seen.
Put that into a song assholes. Sorry. Well, like I said, tonight was the last night of Chanukah. I guess it's time to finally let you gentiles in on the big secret. First, you've gotta promise not to tell anyone, okay? Good. Let's go.
Chanukah/ Hanukkah is bullshit. Like I said on Night One/Two, it was created to fuck with Christians and get attention away from Christmas.
Actually, I pretty much let you all know that on Night One/Two. In fact, my whole big post that I just thought about making is pretty much unnecessary now because I said more than enough on Night One/Two. Shit.
What else should I talk about then? I must have a big finish for this shitty project, if only to show myself I can finish something even when I know it's horrible. So fuck it, I'm continuing!
I believe we've established that Jews are insecure people, as a whole. And going back to a stereotype, we run the entertainment business. Well, around this time everything is about Christmas: TV shows, movies, books, songs, everything. Well screw that!
Thus spawned Chanukah. It's still not even close to being Christmas, but we've made a little dent. We made stores and commercials wish us a "Happy Holidays," opposed to "Merry Christmas," which I also touched on in Night One/Two. We can't let the Christians get all the attention, so we celebrate Chanukah.
It was Jewish insecurities and fear of being completely forgotten that led to the creation of Chanukah. If you don't think we're serious about this shit, check out what Israel just did to get some attention diverted from Christmas. We don't play around.
Now for tonight's stereotype; all Jews are huge liars. It's true. Anything that a Jewish person tells you should be disregarded as it is certainly a lie. We don't like you, your ass does look fat and we weren't joking when we said we hope your business venture fails miserably leaving your family with a huge amount of debt that leads them to living out on the streets where they end up murdering and eating each other within 30 hours. That's right. Jews are horrible, awful people that I personally would like not to have any association with, but alas, I cannot control what family I was born into. If I could, I'd be on "Run's House."
A Jew will say anything to help himself/herself further himself/herself. We're all about getting ahead, and do pretty much everything for money and status. That's all Judaism is- a competition between people with whiny voices to see who can top who in terms of salary or expensive items. That's why Jews want their children to become doctors. Nevermind it's a very stressful profession where you have to accept death as a regular occurrence. No, you're helping people, but even more importantly, making a very nice salary.
So there you have it, Judaism summed up in two paragraphs. Tonight's example isn't from entertainment, but I went with myself, because I'm so vain I thought this post was about me. Sorry for that.
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