The War Has Begun

I finished up my second week of the semester today, still without a roommate which has been fairly awesome. It's still early in the semester, but I'm positive I'm in a war with one of my teachers already.

He's my lecture teacher, as well as my recitation teacher for a class. My first reaction when I realized this was to be pissed because I figured now we'd actually do stuff in recitation. Then I remembered I'm in school and supposed to be doing stuff in class. So I guess I wasn't as pissed about it after realizing that. It still sucks though. Who does stuff in recitation?

Anyway, he told us that recitation is going to be like a whole other class, where we go over new material and such. He said participation is huge, and everyone must talk. Now, every teacher says that. I don't know how much of my final grade is actually influenced by this participation grade. I can tell you I for the most part don't talk in any class. I go, I listen, I take notes but never speak. I've never failed a class. The only time I had someone tell me I would've received a higher grade for talking more was one summer when I was a counselor, and the head of the camp gave me my summer-end grade. But that's camp. Those grades are about a useless as say, a class about fairytales or something.

Since participation is apparently such a huge portion of our grade, the teacher said everyone is going to get a chance to talk in class. He also said that the quality of what we say in class will count more than how often we speak, which sucks for the guy that sat next to me today because he spoke a lot but he would've furthered the discussion of the class about the same if every time he was called on he berated a minority member of the class by quoting Clint Eastwood in "Gran Torino." Seriously, he was a moron, and just kept raising his hand. I guess you have to respect that a little.

Anyway, the teacher then tells us what might be one of the oddest suggestions I've ever had a teacher make. He said, "Now I know not everyone likes to talk in class. Some people are shy or just don't like to talk. If you're like that, talk to me after class, and we'll work something out so that you don't have to raise your hand in class. Instead, I'll just call on you a few times during class."

What? How does that help. In the raising-your-hand-to-answer-a-question-in-class-dilemma, the hand raise is the easy part. Like, who is that helping? The handicapped, and that's about it. You know how many times I've thought, "Shit, if I could just find the courage to raise my hand, I'd fucking tear this class up. No, it's not shyness or an inability to speak in front of people I don't really know. No, it's not some fucked up issue of mine. It's the hand raise. Who, oh who will fix this problem for me, thus allowing me to function like a full member of a class?"

Exactly zero time I've thought that. None. Never. Not once. I've thought, "Hey, if we could get participation credit for raising our hands, and then didn't have to say anything, I'd fucking tear this class up." But never the reverse of that.

Now, I'm sure there are others in class that are quiet and don't talk in class. It was just such an odd thing to say. I know he's trying to help us, and that's nice of him. But I don't think that's really going to help anyone. No, those two extra credit assignments due by the last day of classes, those are good ways to help the quiet. I've already started thinking about what to do for those. Because I will not break down and talk. No fucking way.

I'm really stubborn, and quite dumb. I know. But nobody else needs to. And today in class, he kept asking questions, then saying, "So, anybody that hasn't spoke much today want to answer? Anyone that hasn't said anything?"

I sat strong. My stupidity could very well hurt my grades. I'm aware. But that still doesn't mean I plan on speaking. Occasionally, perhaps. But I will not overcome my social shortcomings just because it's my duty as a student to do so.