Roommate Update

Still none. I've been here a week with no roommate. The first week of the semester ended. I mean, it's the first week so I guess if I really am getting a transfer student, as I was told, he really just missed the handing out of a syllabus for each class.

When I first came back, there was a sign on the door for someone named Dan. My RA told me he was a transfer student, but didn't know where he was transferring from. She's since taken that sign off my door, as she told me she has no idea what's going on. Works for me.

Surely the school isn't going to let me keep this room to myself. Someone is going to move in. I've come to terms with that. It sucks. But now I just need to decide who I hope moves in.

Now, chances are it's going to be some dude. Nothing more. Just some guy who I live with, occasionally talk to and constantly blog about things he does that bother me. There's a really really good chance thats how this thing plays out.

Then again, there are a few other ways to play this thing out. Let's go to the videotape.

Someone moves in that I like. He hates most people and loves Bill Murray. We get married.

One of those 13-year-old genius kids moves in. We don't talk much, as he's even more socially awkward than I am, and he's constantly studying. He's probably not white or black. Eventually, close to finals week, he has a breakdown because of the pressure put on him by his insane parents, who come to visit every other weekend. I console him, telling him he needs to relax a bit, and have some fun. We go to an amusement park and have a grand time. We keep hanging out. We get married. He fails most of his finals, drops out and just lounges around the house. I divorce that lazy piece of shit.

A girl moves in when, taking after the ending of "Eurotrip," the administration didn't realize Dan was short for Danielle. She's foreign, barely speaks English and doesn't realize just how big of a loser I am. At first, this sucks because although she's far too attractive to ever go out with me, I still spend my time in the room not farting and scratching my testicles. She complains that she doesn't know about here, so I show her around the city and we have a grand time. We get married. The school realizes its error and forces her to move out. She can't find a place to live and is deported for some reason even though I married her. I divorce her for the sake of patriotism and vow never to love again. I fall in love on the bus ride back from the airport when I see a girl wearing a Kinks t-shirt. I don't talk to her.

A girl moves in, taking after the ending of "Eurotrip," the administration didn't realize Dan was short for Danielle. She's not foreign, or attractive. I feel as though I can fart and scratch my testicles around her. She hangs up a "Stripes" movie poster as soon as she moves in. I decide to hold my farts and unhold my testicles. She complains she has no friends except for Bill Murray. We stay in all weekend and watch many movies featuring Bill Murray, as well as "Jurassic Park," because we both agree that movie kicks ass. I realize that she's awesome, and beautiful on the inside. We go to see "Ghostbusters," which is showing at a theater a little bit off campus. I plan to propose to her there, but in a shocking turn of events, Ernie Hudson is there. He comes up to her and tells her to ask if she believes in love at first sight. She does. He answers, "If there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say." She swoons, even though that doesn't make much sense. They get married. I cry every time I watch "Ghostbusters" and "Ghostbusters 2" after that.

So what say you blog readers? Is it going to be some dude? Or choices 1, 2, 3 or 4. I'm banking on somewhere between two and three, in that I get to room with a 16-year-old foreign transvestite. We'll see soon enough, possibly. Or not. Who knows. I don't. Neither does my RA. I guess I'm done. Bye. Oh, sorry to ruin the end of "Eurotrip" for you.