When's the last time you spent the entire day inside

I came close today, but left my room around 8 just to not feel like a complete waste of life. You see, I wanted to watch a tennis match this morning (I know, I'm gay), and the match was taking place in Australia and airing live at 3:30 this morning. I thought, fuck it, I'll just stay up and sleep after the match, or not at all, I'm in college woooo! Crazy times! Then I was like no, I need a nap, a catnap to be specific.

So last night I took a nap, accidentally. I feel asleep during Conan, when I actually meant to fall asleep after it because he had on guests I wanted to watch. Whoops. I feel asleep in my clothes, on top of my blanket at around 1-ish, I think. I woke up at 4, and the match was just getting under way. It lasted until after 8. Yeah, long.

Then I went to sleep and woke up at about noon. I ate a Pop Tart, did some reading and then watched TV, and yes, I watched a repeat of the match I just stayed up until 8 watching that morning. It was the only thing on, but in my defense, they skipped around a bit because it was so long and the broadcast was seriously cutting into ESPN 2's Super Bowl coverage, where the over-analyze every fucking aspect of one football game for two straight weeks and interview anyone who is associated with football somehow and is willing to appear on camera. Want to know how it's going to end. Steelers win. They have a really good defense, and the team with the really good defense always wins the fucking Super Bowl. Pregame could've been 10 minutes, and it still would've been too long. My god, I like football 50 weeks out of the year, but these two are insufferable. Five hours to show an incredible tennis match is way too much ask for ESPN 2. Two! Nobody is watching ESPN 2 for Super Bowl coverage! Show my tennis!

Anyway, I stayed inside a lot today. Then around 8 I left. I had food I could eat in my room, so eating wasn't in the plan. I was just going to walk around a bit, then come back. Turns out it's really really cold outside. And it apparently snowed all day, and the school was all "Hey, sucks for you guys. The Super Bowl is on Sunday, so we're taking Friday off," and decided not to salt the stairs or gigantic hill I have to walk down every day. Needless to say, I came close to falling a lot. Since I barely made it down the hill, I figured I would have a lot of difficulty walking up the hill. To the bus!

I've written before about how much I dislike taking the bus, or campus shuttle, on weekend nights. And tonight was no different. When I got on the shuttle, there were about five of us. I got excited. We got to the next stop and about 35 more people got on. I got angry.

They were mostly girls, most of whom seemed to be drunk already. They pretty much all looked alike. Shoulder-length hair, two arms, two legs, black top, skirt and heels. And they all had this screeching, high-pitched voice, and just yell at each other instead of talking, like there's this loud noise they have to speak over when truthfully, they're the only loud things within an earshot. Anyway, I was seated towards the back of the bus, which was a mistake on my part. As my last post mentioned, I'm not black. But it was an even bigger mistake because they all ran to the back of the bus as soon as they got on. And as another one ran back there, all the others near me would scream her name, followed by what I can only assume is their impression of a Velociraptor. I was so out of place.

A few of them yelled out things like "Hey [insert name here], you slut!/bitch!" Yet, when one of them sits down next to me and I call her a cunt I'm a bad guy all of a sudden. I'll never figure this gender out. And if they're cringe-inducing shrieks weren't enough, they then broke out in Beyonce's "Single Ladies." I don't know why. They then talked about who they were going to make out with that night (Hint: not me) and how drunk they prepared to get (a little more than they already were). They didn't say, but I suspect that isn't the order of how their night went.

Most of them got off before my stop, and I felt pretty relieved. Then I noticed two guys sitting near me who took out a rather large bottle of alcohol and started drinking on the bus. They of course waited for the crowd to leave so they had room to drink, and wouldn't have to share. Yet by the time they took the bottle out they were about 30 seconds from their stop.

I got off the bus and came back to my room. Plans for tomorrow: stay inside all day. Plans for Sunday are the same, except that's the day when I usually have a meeting for the newspaper, but luckily for me, that was canceled because of, sigh, the Super Bowl.

SD Movie Review!

Hey kiddos, Adaham here. It's Thursday night, I have no class on Friday and my normal plans for Thursday night were canceled (the TV shows I watch were repeats). So I had to think quickly when looking for something to do tonight. People were using the washer and dryers, the Australian Open was going live for hours and I'm not going to do something productive.

I searched and searched and channel surfed until I found something, and boy did I. It was looking bleak for a while, then I came upon "Save the Last Dance," the Julia Stiles- Sean Patrick Thomas vehicle about growing up and trying to overcome the odds stacked against you to get out of your shitty neighborhood while everyone else stays behind and throws their life away, while trying to find love, in high school, with someone of a different race. As you can see, it deals with some heavy topics.

Now, you're most certainly thinking, "But Adaham, you're a man who likes to laugh. Why are you doing watching that kind of movie?"

I know. It's odd. But here's where life imitates art, as always. Next year I'm looking to move off campus, mostly because as a senior I'm not guaranteed housing on campus. After searching far and wide, it looks like I'm going to be living in a house with three fellas, all of whom are of the black-skinned variety. So before next fall, I plan to take in as much pop culture as I can about their culture, and about integrating myself into it to make a really easy transition. This was probably the best movie that I could've watched.

Basically, Julia Stiles is white. She moves to Chicago, where there are a lot of black people. They mingle, but she's so awkward and white and not down! OH NO! A black girl befriends her, teaching her da slang and taking her under he wing. But wait, this black girl in high school has a baby already? Crazy! Well, Julia Stiles falls in love with the girls brother, played Brando-like by Sean Patrick Thomas. He's also black, and waiting to get an acceptance letter (hopefully) from Georgetown, where he hopes to study to become a pediatrician. But wait a minute, he lives in a rundown neighborhood and hangs out with a bad crew, so he ends up in some crazy situations often. He's stuck between two worlds.

Julia Stiles and Sean Patrick Thomas meet and their chemistry together is so hot I had to open my window. They can't help but flirt, they're just so perfect for one another! When making plans to go a (black) night club one evening, Sean Patrick Thomas lets Julia Stiles know that this night club is going to be off the chain (not his words), and asks if she can keep up. She says she'll dance circles around him (her words).

Later at the night club, Julia Stiles is intimidated because she sticks out quite a bit... because she's white. And she's all stiff and like "Well hiya pals? This here dance party is just swell. Thanks ever so much for inviting me." And they're like "Gurl, chile, you don't belong here." And she's like yeah I do, and they're like nah. Then her two friends run off to the dance floor with some with fellas, leaving her alone, defenseless, scared and practically asking to be robbed. Well, just like the black knight in armor, Sean Patrick Thomas swoops in, reminding her of their prior agreement. "Shouldn't I be dizzy," he says, then pausing for two seconds, "because you said you'd dance circles around me." Julia Stiles doesn't want to dance, because she's white and awkward, but Sean Patrick Thomas drags her out to the floor (not literally), and she's dancing all white. Step, step, clap, head jerk, step, step, clap.

Other clubgoers watch on in horror. "What is she doing, two-stepping?" one girl from the balcony says. I'm not sure what happened after that because I was too busy cracking up. "Oh no she didn't!" I exclaimed. I ran around my room yelling and flailing my arms, then ran into the hall and yelled, "She's two-stepping ya'll!" "Oh hells nah," some guy yelled from his room. "Two-stepping?" He then burst into laughter.

When I came back, Sean Patrick Thomas was teaching Julia Stiles to dance in a classroom somewhere. Cool. Then I turned it off because I'm pretty sure this was a good start to my training. All I have to do is not two-step. Done. In no time I bet my roommates don't even realize I'm white. We'll all just three-stepping (?) together, looking like this:





Thanks "Save the Last Dance." I certainly plan on it.

I Think I'm Getting an Obaner

http://blogs.suntimes.com/sweet/2009/01/snowflakes_shut_down_washingto.html

I like this story, because I like our President telling everyone in his new home city that they're all giant pussies and not as tough as his two daughters, who I'm guessing aren't older than 10 but am too lazy to look up.

I also like this because the weather is so shitty outside right now I'm sitting in my room crying and contemplating not going to my last class of the day, which I'll of course go to but won't be happy about it. Fuck you Mother Nature, you dumb cunt.

Remember When I Was Awesome?

No? Well I'm going to tell you. I was awesome in high school. Maybe not awesome as in popular or anything like that, but just awesome. I was reminded how awesome I was in high school just today when I saw this picture.



That's of course "Chop Suey" by Edward Hopper, which I of course had to look up because I couldn't remember the name of it or who painted it. Oh well. There it is. A lovely painting. Anyway, in high school, I was in a writing class where the teacher gave us a writing prompt where we had to write dialogue between those two women, what were they talking about at that moment in time. This reminds me of my awesomeness because I was pretty awesome in writing classes in high school, or at least some of my teachers thought so. The teacher that gave that prompt thought so. And now I'm going to make you suffer through what I wrote for that prompt, or at least what I remember I wrote for that prompt, because I kind of like it. The lady in green is Mary and the women in Blue is Cheryl.

Cheryl: So as I was telling you, I woke up and didn't remember a thing. I was next to some guy with a dirty looking ponytail and he was naked. There was a camera on a tri-pod pointing at the bed. But here's the weird part, I was fully clothed. I have no recollection of the night.

Mary: Oh my god. What'd you do?

Cheryl: I left. It wasn't a house I ever remember going to, nor a street I ever remember being on. I don't even remember the street name. I asked the cab driver the name, but I don't know. It took like 35 minutes to get home once the cab came. It's just terrible.

Mary: Well, do you fell, you know, sore? Down there?

Cheryl: Not really. I don't know.

Mary: Hmm, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but sounds like you were raped.

Cheryl: Oh my god. That's terrible.

Mary: I know. What are you going to tell Richard?

Cheryl: Oh my god, Richard. My wonderful husband. He doesn't deserve any of this. He goes away on business for one week, and I end up getting raped. And on film! I'm a horrible person.

Mary: It's not your fault. Listen, just don't tell him.

Cheryl: What if he finds the video? He watches porn... a lot.

Mary: Rape porn?

Cheryl: Yeah!

Mary: That's gross.

Cheryl: I know, he has a problem.

Mary: Well Cheryl, you have to tell him.

Cheryl: I know. It's just-

Mary: Hold on a sec Cheryl.

Cheryl: What is it?

Mary: There is a cutie totally checking you at at seven o'clock. He is sitting there, starring at you. He's not even blinking.

Cheryl: Where? Seven o'clocl?

Mary: Don't turn around, he'll see you.

Cheryl: But he's cute?

Mary: Adorable. But the starring is freaking me out a bit. He's completely fixated on you. He's not even touching his soup.

Cheryl: Well, I am gorgeous.

Mary: True. Wait, this is really weird.

Cheryl: What?

Mary: He's painting something now.

Cheryl: What?

Mary: He has an easel and a paint pallet, and he appears to be painting. I can't believe they're letting him do this in the restaurant.

Cheryl: Yeah that does sound odd. You think he's painting me?

Mary: I don't know. He keeps looking over here at you. He must be painting you.

Cheryl: You think I should go talk to him?

Mary: No, don't get up.

Cheryl: What should I do.

Mary: I don't know. This is freaking me out. He really doesn't look as cute when he's painting. He's starring at you with this really angry look on his face, then he looks at the painting with an angry face and looks back at you. Occasionally he paints something, but it's more of him angrily looking at you and his painting. I'm nervous. He looks crazy.

Cheryl: Ew. What should we do.

Mary: I don't know. Let's just sit here, completely still. Maybe he's like a T-Rex, and if we stay still, he won't be able to see us anymore.

Cheryl: Sounds like a plan to me. Let's sit still.

Mary: No talking either, cause that's like moving.

Cheryl: Okay.

Aaaannnnndddd scene. Alright, I added in the rape stuff. I think I probably would have gotten in trouble for that in school. I used the first few lines, up until where she told her she was raped. I used the husband, minus the rape porn, and then the ending of it. But yeah, I think adding in the rape stuff was a nice touch on my part, because it really gives the piece this seriousness to it that I was lacking before. That instantly takes it from jokey piece of shit to ready to be performed in front of a middle school during Don't Rape Week.

hot.pork's Facebook Profile

Something's odd here...

What... the... FUCK? OHHHH MAN!

I'm gonna be a bit tough to find for the next several days.  Classes are about to start, and I just got a new synthesizer/vocoder.  So I just wanted to make sure I dropped some knowledge on you guys before I disappeared for a bit, while I learn to play the Final Countdown.

I took an online class, and half our grade was discussion, so we had to reply to a lot of messages on the discussion board.  I expected this to be awful, a lot of "good point!" and "I agree" posts, but throughout most of the class, I was disappointed.  It had gotten to be almost the last day of class, with most people just posting things when they actually had something to say (besides me).  And then one classmate dropped this truth-bomb on us:

Thanks, guy.  And you're welcome, reader.

I Might Be Going Away For A While

I was on a bus today and my mom called me. I usually don't talk on the phone while I'm on the bus, but I forget to take something to read or listen to, so I talked to her for a bit.

She told me that my dad is going to have to go to China for at least a month sometime soon. He just got back from China yesterday, but someone important over there quit and I guess that means he has to go back for a while. For the past few years my dad has traveled to China every few months for work, or as we tell people, to visit his other family which may or may not be a lie. My mom said my dad might have to start going to China more frequently and staying for a few weeks at a time from now on, which sucks (for him).

She then said my dad told his boss if he's going to have to go to China so often and for so long, they're going to have to send his family (i.e. us) over once in a while to visit. She wasn't sure what his boss said.

Here seems like a good time to mention that the person in my family who loves my dad the most is our dog. Now, I think we all love him, of course, but it's been years since I've peed on the floor at the sheer sight of my father. It's probably been a few days, or couple of weeks for the dog. The dog is named Castro, because he's a Cuban breed of dog.

So while I was talking to my mom, I said, "Can we bring Castro with us if we go to China." I thought nothing of it, but apparently I said it loud enough to concern about four people sitting near me, who all looked back at me in horror. That's right, Castro, China, Lincoln's all working together to bring down this sorry country! They just kind of gave me odd looks, but didn't say anything. I didn't do anything, and hopefully they didn't either. But if they did, I guess this is goodbye.

A Whole New World Part II

I thought I'd piggyback hot.pork's post from today and explain my experience on day one After Bush. I personally think we should just start over completely, and make this count as Year One AB. That's how much I think Obama is like Jesus, but cooler because the Arcade Fire played shows for him. Jesus probably had Big & Rich.

I woke up, at 4:40, for our 44th president! No I didn't. I woke up at maybe like 9, realized I didn't have class until 12 and was going to go back to sleep until I remembered Obama! So I got up, showered and started walking around campus flashing my black power fist to all coloreds I saw. In a sign of racial unity, they flashed me back the white power sign, the one on Kid Rock's "Devil Without A Cause" CD, and yelled something at me but I couldn't hear because I had headphones on. I was listening to Ice Cube's "It Was A Good Day" over and over again. Indeed it was Ice Cube.

I didn't do my homework for one class since all we had to do was some reading. My teacher asked me a question in class and I said I didn't know because I didn't do the reading. He asked why. I said, "Obama bitch." He said "Good reason. Class dismissed...forever. You all get A's." I then asked my classmates "What's the haps on the craps?" They didn't respond.

My last class was a Shakespeare class. My teacher asked if we knew of any better writers than Shakespeare. The whole class at once yelled "Obama bitch!" He said, "I agree. Class dismissed...forever. You all get A's." I said good, because "I gotta go cause I got me a drop top and if I hit the switch, I can make the ass drop."

I pretty much just kept walking around campus the rest of the day. We all were. Then I went to Rite Aid to get a box of tissues and some chap stick. One cool thing, I saw the Goodyear blimp. It read "Adaham's a pimp." I thought that was odd.

Plus, nobody I know got killed in South Central, LA. I gotta say it was a pretty spectacular day.

Also, from now on anytime I leave a job on my last day, this is what I'm going to do.



peace bitches.

Happy Inaguration Day

Little known fact, Obama stole his famous poster design from the men and woman (guess who it is, win an SD slave!) of Steel Doughnuts. We aren't mad, though. And just to prove we thought of it first, here they are. And thanks to Dmur for drawing all of these by hand.

It's Almost Here

As the nation counts down to what has to be the most anticipated event in the country's history, we here at SD are doing our best to celebrate along with that nation. This should be quite evident to you by the countdown on the ride side of the site. And by the way, only 42 more days until Jimmy Fallon!!!

Oh, there's also the new president being sworn in tomorrow. People seem to be excited about that as well. Personally, I can't wait for Fallon, and I know Dmur and hot.pork are right there with me.

Anyway, while I was home over winter break, my brother introduced me to the greatest song my ears have heard in quite some time. Now, I'm not one to get all political, but even I can't deny this song's awesomeness. And when you think of one artist to celebrate this great moment in our country's history, you undoubtedly think Young Jeezy- hip-hopper from Atlanta who as I understand it, is well known for rapping about his successful past as a drug dealer. According to Wikipedia, after Hurricane Katrina he opened his house to victims of the storm. So he seems like a pretty good guy.



That's what I imagine is a fan-made video for the song. In it you can get a full sense of what Obama means to the country. He's black. We like blue cars and rims. Let's measure and sell drugs. I'd by lying if I said that isn't exactly what I was thinking when I voted for him.

I like how this is the realest shit Young Jeezy never wrote, because he didn't write this shit. Now, I guess this means he went into the booth and this masterpiece was what came out when he started rapping. If so, he's like my Mozart, except not dead and not gay. I just hope whoever did write this doesn't hear it, or Jeezy might have some legal troubles, unfortunately.

I also like the part about e-mailing Jesus. I once tried, but he was a dick about it. Or at least he pretended like he didn't get my e-mail, and ignored me altogether. You try: jesus.christ@gmail.com. I also like that the song features Nas, because he says "pole-atician," which I'm going to assume he thought was a really cool line when in reality, it's not that good. At all. But he references Hulk Hogan, and that's awesome. I bet Obama could beat Hulk Hogan, EVEN IF HE HULKED UP!!!! I'm serious.
No doubt in my mind Obama could take Hulk, Hollywood Hogan or an other reincarnation of him that I'm forgetting. I'd make an NWO reference, but when talking about Obama those letters might seem racist given a popular early-90's rap group's name.

Also, why does Obama still get a red squiggly line, like it's spelled wrong? I don't want to have to correct it myself, the computer should just know it's right. Sometimes I think computers are racist.

Anyway, enjoy that Young Jeezy song. Let it be our anthem for the next four/eight years. And as Young Jeezy said, "My momma ain't at home and daddy's still in jail."

Check back for my Obama-tastic updates!

Well, I Can Never Go There Again...

Last night I got drunk and went to a diner with two friends.  We made friends with the waitress, and she told us about her ex-girlfriend and stuff, and then we asked about her tattoos.  One of them was a bunch of shit I don't remember, and the other was something else, and the last one was a moth.  I said "oh, because you like to eat carpet!" just attempting to make a weird, non-sensical joke about literally eating carpet.  You know, because moths eat fabric, and carpet is made out of fabric.  I didn't really make the "munching" connection in my head, until my two friends started apologizing profusely for me calling her a carpet muncher.

Awesome burn though, right?

Dancing Pig

Just make sure to watch the whole thing, because the end is amazing.

The War Has Begun

I finished up my second week of the semester today, still without a roommate which has been fairly awesome. It's still early in the semester, but I'm positive I'm in a war with one of my teachers already.

He's my lecture teacher, as well as my recitation teacher for a class. My first reaction when I realized this was to be pissed because I figured now we'd actually do stuff in recitation. Then I remembered I'm in school and supposed to be doing stuff in class. So I guess I wasn't as pissed about it after realizing that. It still sucks though. Who does stuff in recitation?

Anyway, he told us that recitation is going to be like a whole other class, where we go over new material and such. He said participation is huge, and everyone must talk. Now, every teacher says that. I don't know how much of my final grade is actually influenced by this participation grade. I can tell you I for the most part don't talk in any class. I go, I listen, I take notes but never speak. I've never failed a class. The only time I had someone tell me I would've received a higher grade for talking more was one summer when I was a counselor, and the head of the camp gave me my summer-end grade. But that's camp. Those grades are about a useless as say, a class about fairytales or something.

Since participation is apparently such a huge portion of our grade, the teacher said everyone is going to get a chance to talk in class. He also said that the quality of what we say in class will count more than how often we speak, which sucks for the guy that sat next to me today because he spoke a lot but he would've furthered the discussion of the class about the same if every time he was called on he berated a minority member of the class by quoting Clint Eastwood in "Gran Torino." Seriously, he was a moron, and just kept raising his hand. I guess you have to respect that a little.

Anyway, the teacher then tells us what might be one of the oddest suggestions I've ever had a teacher make. He said, "Now I know not everyone likes to talk in class. Some people are shy or just don't like to talk. If you're like that, talk to me after class, and we'll work something out so that you don't have to raise your hand in class. Instead, I'll just call on you a few times during class."

What? How does that help. In the raising-your-hand-to-answer-a-question-in-class-dilemma, the hand raise is the easy part. Like, who is that helping? The handicapped, and that's about it. You know how many times I've thought, "Shit, if I could just find the courage to raise my hand, I'd fucking tear this class up. No, it's not shyness or an inability to speak in front of people I don't really know. No, it's not some fucked up issue of mine. It's the hand raise. Who, oh who will fix this problem for me, thus allowing me to function like a full member of a class?"

Exactly zero time I've thought that. None. Never. Not once. I've thought, "Hey, if we could get participation credit for raising our hands, and then didn't have to say anything, I'd fucking tear this class up." But never the reverse of that.

Now, I'm sure there are others in class that are quiet and don't talk in class. It was just such an odd thing to say. I know he's trying to help us, and that's nice of him. But I don't think that's really going to help anyone. No, those two extra credit assignments due by the last day of classes, those are good ways to help the quiet. I've already started thinking about what to do for those. Because I will not break down and talk. No fucking way.

I'm really stubborn, and quite dumb. I know. But nobody else needs to. And today in class, he kept asking questions, then saying, "So, anybody that hasn't spoke much today want to answer? Anyone that hasn't said anything?"

I sat strong. My stupidity could very well hurt my grades. I'm aware. But that still doesn't mean I plan on speaking. Occasionally, perhaps. But I will not overcome my social shortcomings just because it's my duty as a student to do so.

What's Fucking With This?

After class today I got back to my room, I went to take my textbook out of my backpack. While doing that, I felt something underneath it that felt squishy. I took it out, and it was a tiny bag of Swedish Fish! They looked a few weeks old, and I don't remember buying Swedish Fish anytime recently, but still, how amazing is that?

They felt old, they were all stuck together and had hardened a bit. Still, I sat down, put on Ice Cube's "It Was A Good Day" and enjoyed my fish. They were fantastic. And what's fucking with that?

Facebook Note: Fucked up dream

Hahahahaha "But this is in the now."  WOW!

So I had this dream last night...First of all, I was back in my apartment in Russia in my bedroom. But this is in the now. Then all these scarab beetles started crawling out of nowhere..there were so many of them. They were making holes in the floor and marching in in long straight rows. And then they were piling on top of each other in single file coloumns and destroying everything...and they broke my new beautiful guitar. the neck was completely broken off and just hanging there by the strings and there were huge holes in the back....and somehow this was all my fault. Then somehow I was back in Swampcott, (all you guys I tagged were there). And Sayid (shame on you if you don't know who that is) calls me and is like: "Hey let's hang out" But I was like: "ummm, I'm hanging out with everyone else right now, sorry Sayid, maybe some other time" WTF!!!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

Holocaust survivor guilt?

Update From Last Month

So who remembers these two posts I made about a month ago?

http://sdbegins.blogspot.com/2008/12/whats-worst-youve-ever-procrastinated.html

http://sdbegins.blogspot.com/2008/12/update-got-it-in.html

Before that final paper was due, my teacher told me I had a B+, but if I did really well I could get an A-. Of course, I waited until the night before to start the paper, setting up the worst day I've had in long time. It sucked, writing 10 pages on a book I read about two months prior to that night and didn't skim through even though I needed a lot of quotes and such. Yeah, it was horrible. I got the paper in maybe exactly at 5, maybe a minute later.

Anyway, I wasn't able to check my grades over winter break because I owed the school some money, and when you owe school money they don't let you see your grades, or register for classes depending on what time of year it is. This was time to look at grades.

Just today I was finally able to look at my grades, and I got an A- in that class. Yeah! Take that 10-page paper. I kicked the living shit out of you!

I pulled it off, somehow. I'm almost inclined to go back and read over my paper, but that will most definitely spoil this tremendous moment. This will easily go down in history as my greatest feat of all time, and maybe man's greatest feat ever. So suck my balls non-procrastinators. There's nothing I can't do!



Well there's lots of stuff, but waiting until the last minute to do something and still being awesome at it isn't one of them! Fuck yeah. I'm dancing right now. Woo.

Roommate Update

Still none. I've been here a week with no roommate. The first week of the semester ended. I mean, it's the first week so I guess if I really am getting a transfer student, as I was told, he really just missed the handing out of a syllabus for each class.

When I first came back, there was a sign on the door for someone named Dan. My RA told me he was a transfer student, but didn't know where he was transferring from. She's since taken that sign off my door, as she told me she has no idea what's going on. Works for me.

Surely the school isn't going to let me keep this room to myself. Someone is going to move in. I've come to terms with that. It sucks. But now I just need to decide who I hope moves in.

Now, chances are it's going to be some dude. Nothing more. Just some guy who I live with, occasionally talk to and constantly blog about things he does that bother me. There's a really really good chance thats how this thing plays out.

Then again, there are a few other ways to play this thing out. Let's go to the videotape.

Someone moves in that I like. He hates most people and loves Bill Murray. We get married.

One of those 13-year-old genius kids moves in. We don't talk much, as he's even more socially awkward than I am, and he's constantly studying. He's probably not white or black. Eventually, close to finals week, he has a breakdown because of the pressure put on him by his insane parents, who come to visit every other weekend. I console him, telling him he needs to relax a bit, and have some fun. We go to an amusement park and have a grand time. We keep hanging out. We get married. He fails most of his finals, drops out and just lounges around the house. I divorce that lazy piece of shit.

A girl moves in when, taking after the ending of "Eurotrip," the administration didn't realize Dan was short for Danielle. She's foreign, barely speaks English and doesn't realize just how big of a loser I am. At first, this sucks because although she's far too attractive to ever go out with me, I still spend my time in the room not farting and scratching my testicles. She complains that she doesn't know about here, so I show her around the city and we have a grand time. We get married. The school realizes its error and forces her to move out. She can't find a place to live and is deported for some reason even though I married her. I divorce her for the sake of patriotism and vow never to love again. I fall in love on the bus ride back from the airport when I see a girl wearing a Kinks t-shirt. I don't talk to her.

A girl moves in, taking after the ending of "Eurotrip," the administration didn't realize Dan was short for Danielle. She's not foreign, or attractive. I feel as though I can fart and scratch my testicles around her. She hangs up a "Stripes" movie poster as soon as she moves in. I decide to hold my farts and unhold my testicles. She complains she has no friends except for Bill Murray. We stay in all weekend and watch many movies featuring Bill Murray, as well as "Jurassic Park," because we both agree that movie kicks ass. I realize that she's awesome, and beautiful on the inside. We go to see "Ghostbusters," which is showing at a theater a little bit off campus. I plan to propose to her there, but in a shocking turn of events, Ernie Hudson is there. He comes up to her and tells her to ask if she believes in love at first sight. She does. He answers, "If there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say." She swoons, even though that doesn't make much sense. They get married. I cry every time I watch "Ghostbusters" and "Ghostbusters 2" after that.

So what say you blog readers? Is it going to be some dude? Or choices 1, 2, 3 or 4. I'm banking on somewhere between two and three, in that I get to room with a 16-year-old foreign transvestite. We'll see soon enough, possibly. Or not. Who knows. I don't. Neither does my RA. I guess I'm done. Bye. Oh, sorry to ruin the end of "Eurotrip" for you.

Gettin' Revenge

I've struck back a bit against the retards who live in my building (not the ones who are actually retarded, that would be terrible).  Last night (read: 2:30 AM) I decided to de-loft my bed, dropping several wood planks and heavy metal parts all over my floor several times in the process.  As I'm sure you realize, it was loud as fuck.  Normally, I would think I owe these people an apology, but I've seen their dicks in the bathroom and listened to them talk on the phone while taking a shit and then NOT FLUSHING  so much I don't give a fuck anymore.  Plus, I don't think anyone noticed, so it's win-win for me.

I'm going to buy a drill and just start drilling holes in everyone's door and then acting like it was an accident when they catch me.  I'm just going to act really confused when I am able to stick my head through the door and it comes out in their room.  They'll probably not regret the day they fucked with me, but they'll both rue and lament it.

We're All Going to Hell!

So if SD Begins got together and decided to create out ultimate youtube video, I'm pretty sure we would've come up with this. Someone already did, so consider out work done. Enjoy.

Also, we're all going to hell.

Just watch part II

I think we should all thank 30 Rock for referencing this, thus forcing me to look it up and discover the newest entry into my favorite movie scenes list, which I'm compiling just so I can put this clip into a list.

Sigh

My mom worries about me. Partly because she's crazy, but mostly because she knows just how much I hate people and apparently, that's not normal. While I was home over break, I'm pretty sure she cried (on the inside) every other day when I would tell her, "You know, if the planet's population decreased by like 80 percent, I think we'd be perfect." And that was being generous. I was leaving a lot of people I would still find annoying around, mostly so I have something to talk about.

Anyway, today I was in a store when I encountered someone that would most definitely be in that 80 percent. We were an aisle looking at CD's when she decided to speak. Her friend was in another aisle, so I can only guess she thought she struck gold with this comment and needed to share it with the rest of the aisle (me).

"Look at this," she started, of course drawing my interest, "they have all the 'B' artists here, then just throw in Pat Benatar out of nowhere. How are we supposed to find anything with this kind of organization?"

I left the aisle. I didn't say anything. I just walked away. If she was attractive, I would've considered her a heartbreaker. Something something reference to "Love is a Battlefield."

Blah, stupid.

The Billionth Post I've Wanted to Title "WTF"

I'm taking an online class, and the first assignment was "introduce yourself."  I got a 90 on it.  WHAT THE FUCK?  How do you give someone a 90 on "introduce yourself?"

Was I not thorough enough?  I forgot one or two things?  How would the grader know how to evaluate this when she's never met anyone in the class?

Maybe I did a really thorough introduction, but of someone else.    Maybe something else.

"A for effort, but you introduced us to child pornography, not yourself."

Completely baffling.

Just watch.

Fuckin' Goblins

So, my building decided that 8:30 AM was a great time to test the fire alarms today.  They came on over the PA, which apparently has a speaker inside my room (which scares the shit out of me), and said not to pay attention to the fire alarm while they were testing it.  They then proceeded to turn it on and off fifteen times, at random intervals.  They also, for some reason, had to shut off the power to do this, so I couldn't go and check my email or anything while it was going on.  I just had to continue lying in my bed and fuming.

This is fucking bullshit.  First, I don't want some guy talking directly into my room; that's creepy.  I could hear him breathing, and every time he turned it on, he would blow into before talking.  What the fuck?  And this is the second time they've just turned off the power to my room for NO FUCKING REASON.  Does no one realize that people receive messages that are completely lost when their computer shuts down?  And don't forget, I use my computer as my alarm clock, so when the power shuts off, I'll not wake up in time for my goddamned job.  On top of all this, it was an "improper shutdown," so all my gay Windows Media plugins have to be turned on again, and I have to go through that stupid disk error checker.

Fuck Massachusetts.

Second Batch of SD Begins Now on Sale!

First off, something to insult all non-SD readers with. It also would look lovely in your living room.



Next up, show people that not only are we hilarious, but useful in all sorts of situations. Hang this one in the office!



And lastly, once again showing how SD is useful to all sorts of people.

We Forgive You Terrorists

I have no way of being sure if SD is the first media entity to publicly forgive the terrorists, so I'm just going to assume we are. A few things, we are a media entity first off. Dmur owns NPR, hot.pork is John Stewart and I'm Rupert Murdoch. We hate to come out this way, but we had to. I guess I didn't really give away Dmur's name mostly because I'm too lazy to look it up. Nextly, that's not a word. But anyhow, doesn't this completely contradicts yesterday's post about the true author of SD Begins? Yes. I guess it's up for you to decide whether we're a young boy making youtube videos that his sister has to upload because he can't use a computer due to his mammoth hands, or if we're a group of media superstars.

Go with the latter, it'll make this post more fun.

Anyway, we want to take the time out of our busy schedules to apologize to the terrorists. Seriously, this whole war? Not cool of us. It's gone on way too long, and we're sorry. Although we're an all-star team of influential people in the media, we don't have that big of say over what countries we go to war with. Other minor things, like what planets we go to war with, that's all us.

We can't end this war. We've tried. Really. And every time we see video of us bombing you or killing you innocent terrorists, we burn an American flag. It's horrible what we're doing. So if you can see it in your beautiful, end-of-book-Grinch-sized-hearts, forgive us please.

I have recently discovered something so alarming that I immediately ran to my computer and started typing up this apology letter. I'm going to also mail a copy to the terrorists with a box of cookies in hopes we can get them on our side.

Quick note- I'm mailing it to:
Terrorists
378 Mulberry Street
Cave, Cave 1095cave

But how much postage should I put on the envelope? I think two stamps will do.

Anyway, onto the footage. Once again, terrorists, our bad. Please forgive us. We started this war on false pretenses. We were duped. We were so angry the Towers were gone we were willing to believe anything, and we did. So we attacked. It's a bit late, but I'm sorry. Maybe we can hang out sometime.

Well, here it is. One image basically absolving the terrorists of everything, and that makes us look like ginormous douches. Our bad.










Never forget. Now let's find this blue fuck and turn him into a melted looking version of Nightcrawler. I couldn't think of a blue liquid, and that was what came to mind first. But seriously, murder this monster!

200th Post Extravaganza!

To celebrate the 200th post on SD Begins, I think it's time hot.pork, Dmur and I introduce ourselves to you. Kind of.

You see, we're not three people. We're not three people. We're one person. One hilarious, odd looking, youtubing person. Here we are in some of our favorite videos we've created. I should just start using I instead of we shouldn't I?

Here's me dancing with my sister.



Here's me hypnotizing you.



Here's me showing off my physical comedy skills. Watch out Jim Carrey!



Here's my audition tape when I tried to join the Pussycat Dolls.



And lastly, Soulja Boy has nothing on me.

Honey, I'm Home

After a grueling three week break between semesters, a break filled with lots of sleep and eating, I'm back at school. My classes start tomorrow, although I couldn't exactly tell you what classes I have on what days or at what times. I'll need to find that out.

Anyway, when I got back to my room today I was given a little surprise; my roommate moved out! This is what I saw.



I'm now waiting for my new roommate to show up. I'm hoping it's one of those 13-year-old genius kids, just because I'd find that hilarious.

Here is a Picture of John Travolta Kissing a Man

What does he think he's holding in his hand there?

Examples and Stereotypes of Christianity

Here's another Facebook note, this time, from my RA!  I read one sentence and then puked everywhere and fell asleep, both due to extreme boredom (and possibly a case of butt-cancer).  Is that what it's like for other people when they read my rantings on atheism?  Almost definitely.

Now I understand why, as a Christian, people naturally assume that I will be an intolerant, holier-than-thou, self-righteous, illogical, insufferably stupid ignoramus. 

"How can you live with yourself?" he said in all seriousness.

Tonight I traveled to Concord with the purpose of contra dancing. One good friend of mine was expecting to dance her heart out and see many people she had missed for the last few months. As usual, we were both rather late. What we weren't expecting, however, was a closed dance hall. Did either of us check to see if there was actually a contra? Nope. So there we were, 8:45 pm, in Concord together without a place to dance. What did we do? Why, we're Americans, so naturally we went for some coffee.

To the nearest Starbucks!

On arriving at Starbucks, we deliberated; she got a decaf toffee coffee, and I a regular hot chocolate. The two men working there seemed friendly towards two smiling, rather silly looking, dressed up girls. We were expecting to be on a dance floor, so we wore big boots under our longish skirts. It just looks silly. ANYWAY, one of them remarked on how he liked the cross I was wearing. They ended up trying to guess the stone in the center, but I ruined it and told them that I thought it was just glass. 

When my hot chocolate was ready, one of the men asked us, "Are you Christian?"

Looking from my friend to the man, I replied, "Yes. I'm Christian." We had a conversation about the bible and other non-biblical Christian authors, and also about conservative versus liberal Christianity. He told us how he leaned toward fundamental Christianity. Of course, my friend stayed pretty silent throughout this entire conversation. 

He then asked her, "Are you Christian?"

She replied, "Well, no. I'm one of those raging, liberal atheists, actually."

In all seriousness he said, "How can you live with yourself?"

Rather taken aback and glancing at me first, she said, "Well, how can you live with *yourself*?" I don't remember if he said anything after that, but he left the scene shortly afterward. 

Christians are called "Christians" because they follow the example of Christ Jesus [Note from Dmur: Jesus was actually Japanese, which is why my RA chose the family-before-self last-name-first style]. We are His followers. We live for Him. What did Jesus do? He loved the world [like Pee-Wee Herman]. He grew up the perceived illegitimate son of a carpenter, was ridiculed by His hometown, and spurned almost everywhere he went [OOOOOH!  Forgot to capitalize "he!"  Gotcha!]. He was almost stoned, driven out of cities, tempted by the devil himself, spat on by the masses, beaten by Roman soldiers, and left on a cross to die, the ultimate form of shame for a Jew. Through all of this, did he bite back [Strike two!]? Did he slap my cheek for every time I slapped His? [And you are out.  On a slightly unrelated note, I saw a shirt once that said "A-Rod slaps balls!"  and I don't know what that's supposed to mean.  Is that insulting?  I've never even thought of ball-slapping as something anyone ever did; to what end would one "slap balls?"] 

No. 

Jesus saved the life of a prostitute caught in the act [Wait, what?  Since when was this guy getting it on with hookers?  Sounds like much more of a party guy than I thought.  Do I sense another Oliver Stone W-style biopic?]. He ate at the house of Zacchaeus, the hated tax collector, a known swindler. Jesus healed a Roman soldier's daughter, made the lame man walk, and the blind man see. He even healed a woman who had been bleeding for years [menopause]. Jesus traveled to a demon possessed man and drove the mass of demons out of him and into a herd of pigs. We are called "Christians" because we believe Jesus is the Jewish Messiah and we follow His example. 

Asking someone how they can live with themselves is not following Jesus' example. What would Jesus do?

Well, I had a word with him.

It seems as though he is under the impression that "being equally yoked" means not even having friends that are not Christian. Jesus had friends that weren't Christian. He saved the life of a prostitute, who then took her finest perfume and washed His feet. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?" The verse has little context, but is generally understood as a rule for marriage. This man took it as a rule for friendship as well. I don't agree. How could Paul, who was a Jew to the Jews, a Greek to the Greek, and a Roman to the Romans, tell us not to associate with non-Christians? It's unfathomable. We are to be in the world, not of it; that is understood. However, how can we show the love of Christ while removing ourselves from all others? It just makes no sense.

[Sorry, I fell asleep again.]

In response to tonight's little tete a tete [pronounced "titty-titty"], I will probably write him a nice little letter and deliver it to said Starbucks. He's obviously a little misguided and that just does not sit well with me, nor should it.

Well Hello There to You Too!

So, I've been back in my dorm for around four hours, and I've already seen another guys dick.

I just got up to go to the bathroom, and I pushed the door in, and a guy was taking a shit WITH THE STALL WIDE OPEN. Not only that, but there was already another guy in the room when I walked in. He half-assedly attempted to push the door shut, and when I turned and saw the other stall also occupied by a guy JUST BRUSHING HIS TEETH (i.e. NOT PEEING but STILL OCCUPYING WHAT WAS RIGHTFULLY MY STALL, not that I would use it after seeing the dick of the guy in the stall next door, BUT STILL). At this point, I feel like I should be saying "what the fuck?" but I'm not even surprised anymore. That's just par for the course in this building.

It's good to be back. I guess.

Household Hints from Dmur!

Here's a tip for all you bourgeoning homemakers out there: get really drunk one night, buy a big packet of peanut butter M&M's to eat before you go to bed, and then make a bunch of noise when you come home, slamming your keyboard like eight times, and then spilling the entire bag of M&M's everywhere, waking up your roommate in the process. After that, you'll be finding M&M's on the ground for MONTHS. Just wipe the dust off, and pop it! I'm not sure if this works without the being noisy, drunk, and waking up your roommate parts, but that's how I did it, so I'm just saying.