My First Lapdance

So, I’ve never been to a strip club. And if you read my last post, that should tell you about how much luck I have with the ladies.

Yet none of that stopped me from getting my first lap dance the other night.

I guess I’ll get into background, since that’s what I do. I tell a bunch of mostly unnecessary background to my stories, just making them seem long and less interesting. Anyway, here we go.

It was about 11:15 on Friday night. I had just finished up a review of a TV show for a class and e-mailed it to my teacher. It was due by midnight. I was especially pissed at how much I felt it sucked. But I sent it anyway because I had been working on for a few hours and wanted to get rid it.

When I write something I don’t like, I tend to get away from it. I usually end up taking a walk, or going somewhere to listen to music. It was kind of late, and raining, so I decided just to go for a walk.

After walking around for about 20-30 minutes, I decided it was time to go back to my room. Except I was a bit tired and like another 20 minute walk from my building, so I opted to take a shuttle. I don’t mind the shuttles, although I tend not to take them too often.

I especially try to avoid them on weekend nights, as I don’t really enjoy the company of drunk people all that much. But my laziness outweighed my distaste for drunk people that night.

The shuttle goes all around campus, and one stop is pretty much right in front of my building. Also at that stop are the frat and sorority houses. So people hop on the shuttle all dressed up to go to parties, and occasionally they already have some drinking done at this point in the night.

I take a seat about halfway back on the bus, in the section of seats that face to side opposed to straight ahead. At the next stop a group of girls dressed in tiny tops and tight pants or skirts get on the bud. They opt to stand, and stand right in front of me, who is facing them because of the direction of my seat.

They’re talking and laughing and having a good time. Then, what I can only guess to be “their jam,” comes on the radio. They start dancing on the bus, but only some slight head bopping at first.

Then the girl directly in front of me starts full on dancing. She’s moving her head, swaying her hips a bit, and all that kind of stuff. A few times she hits my knee, but doesn’t really stop dancing or even acknowledge me. I’m trying not to stare, but I’m staring. I’m more successful at my attempts to no laugh, though it’s difficult.

Then the bus stops, and a bunch of people get off, opening up a lot of seats. She’s still dancing, and I’m still sitting. She’s hit me again, this time looks down and sees me, and the open seat next to me.

“Oh, I’ve been dancing right in front of you this whole time,” she says after taking a seat next to me. "I'm sorry."

“That’s alright,” I say. “I’m sorry I don’t have any singles.”

“That’s okay,” she responds. “I take big bills too.”

Well no, she didn’t say that, although it would’ve been awesome. She just kind of giggled, which was still surprising. Thinking back, she probably should’ve slapped me, which still would’ve been pretty cool. I’m guessing it was the alcohol.

Anyway, the next stop was ours. She got off with her friends. I sat there, thanking Rihanna and alcohol for a fun bus ride.

So fun in fact that I ended up staying on the bus for like another hour waiting for my boner to go down.