Fuck You Hospital

So my mom is in the hospital. She's fine, though, thanks for asking. She went in to have some surgery, they did it and it went well. In case you were wondering, which I'm sure you weren't, but I'm going to tel you anyway because otherwise this story won't make as much sense, she went in for a hysterectomy.

Now, I don't know much about that surgery, other than what it is, but I had an idea that it wasn't necessarily a big deal. I mean more, I wasn't exactly worried for my mom's safety, because my feeling was it's a pretty common surgery, so she'll be alright.

This led to my reaction when she told me over the phone she was getting it, which was, "So have you thought about adoption." We both laughed, and that was that.

She had the surgery yesterday, and my dad was at the hospital with her. He would text me throughout the day with updates, and then at around 10:30 he called and said the surgery was done, it went well and she was in her room now. They'd have to keep her for a day or two.

Then I went to the hospitals website and found out you could order stuff from their gift shop and have then take it to the patients room, and you didn't have to know the patient's room number. It was a perfect setup. I thought I'd be nice, so I got my mom some flowers. Then I remembered I'm also an asshole, so I ordered my mom a balloon with a stork on it that said, "Congratulations on your baby," or something along those lines.

I thought it was funny. Knowing my mom, I figured she'd find it funny as well. Today the gift shop called me four times. The first two were because I didn't write a message on the card, and they wanted to know I wanted to include one. Fine, I did forget to do that, so thanks for calling. The third call was because they only had one woman with my mom's name at the hospital, and she wasn't in the maternity ward. Did I order the wrong balloon. Nope, she's definitely not in the maternity ward. It's a joke, she'll understand. Okay, thank you sir. We'll deliver the flowers and balloon shortly.

An hour later I get another call from the gift shop. I'm sorry sir, but I just got word that it's our hospital's policy that we aren't allowed to give baby gifts to people not in the maternity ward. We could either not charge you for the balloon or you could replace it with a "Get Well" balloon. Just take off the chargers please.

I mean, what the fuck kind of policy is that? What's the purpose of it? That's all I want to know. Who is that protecting? What bitch accidentally got a baby balloon sent to her room and was offended she made the hospital change its policy. That's the only way something like that takes place, right? Like, what the fuck? It just sucks.

On a more positive note, I am happy that in my lifetime I had a worker in a hospital gift shop call and ask me if I'd like to change my balloon order from "congrats on your baby" to "get well soon." That seems like something that probably doesn't happen too often, or if it does, it's probably incredibly depressing because something awful happened. Glad to have it happen only because of stupid policy.

I talked to my dad this morning, told him about it, he laughed and couldn't believe they actually wouldn't give her the balloon. He said if he remembers, he'll buy a baby balloon when he goes to see her tonight and bring it to her room. So take that you stupid policy. And fuck you hospital.

And now, for today's Observation of the Day! Today's OotD goes to my roommate! Congrats man.

Here's the scene: It's about noon, I have no classes today, and he's just getting back from his. I'm sitting at my desk in pajama pants and a sweatshirt, attempting to eat some terrible soup I improperly cooked in the microwave. I'm also coughing a lot, mostly because I have a pretty shitty cold, and have only had it all week. In fact, the only thing that can somewhat break up my coughing is sneezing. So I'm coughing, sneezing, having some soup and wearing layers of clothes. My garbage can is also full of used tissues.

My roommate walks in the room, checks out what's going on and says, "Hey man, looks like you're getting sick."

Well thank you doc. You dumb motherfucker. Seriously, just don't speak in that situation. I don't want to you ask how I'm doing or offer to do anything for me. I just want to be quiet and not say something stupid. Congratulations on going 0-2, you stupid piece of shit. When you leave I'm going to cough on your pillow and toothbrush. Fuck. I hate people so much.