Jonathan Davis: Sonwriter, Genius, Prophet

I’ve finally done it friends. It took years of excruciating work, but my team and I finally finished it, and we’re really happy to be able to talk about it. We decided it would be most important to share the results with you fine people first.

Also, by my team and I, I mean me. sometimes I refer to myself as a team of people when I work on something because it makes me feel good. I feel like if I talk about doing work, but with a team it’s impressive. I usually talk to myself while doing the work to give it that team-feel. Sucks to be my roommate.

We call ourselves Adam and the Littmans.

But onto the exciting part. We’ve been working all these years to decipher a long lost language. One that has never been translated, but we’ve managed to do it. It’s way more impressive than translating Latin or hieroglyphics.

We’ve deciphered the language we’re calling “Kornese.” The language in question comes from, of course, “Freak on a Leash.” For years the meaning of the latter part of this song has gone unknown, but we’ve finally figured it out.

If you’re reading this you might want to take a seat. It begins at approximately 2:41 into the song, and goes:

“Boom na da mmm dum na ema
Da boom na da mmm dum na ema”

That’s repeated about 6 times. Or, if you’re in the grouping that things it’s the same line, it’s repeated about 12 times. Then he continunes.

“GO!/ So...fight! something on the... dum na ema/ Fight...some things they fight/ So...something on the... dum na ema/ Fight...some things they fight/ Fight...something of the... dum na ema/ No...some things they fight/ Fight...something of the... dum na ema/ Fight...some things they fight”

According to an interview done with Jonathan Davis cited on his Wikipedia page, or maybe somewhere else I looked, he said this song is his reaction to the inner workings of the music industry. Sounds good.

But in our efforts to translate the video we uncovered something much more frightening. I should also mention, my team is the same one that translates all the Bin Laden videos, so it’s pretty safe to say we’re not just making this stuff up.

While listening to that portion of the song makes those first two lines sound the same, they’re all different. That’s first. I know, it’s a bit difficult to believe after all those years when you were singing along and you just repeated the same thing over and over. Well, you were wrong. And a moron.

The first time he says it, we’ve interpreted it to mean, “Hey, my name is Jonathan, but you can call me John. I have daddy issues.”

So far not a shock, right? Let’s continue.

“I’m from California, but I don’t like California Pizza Kitchen. Isn’t that weird?”

Davis is known for interposing events from his life into his songs, and it’s quite possible he’s never been more open than he is here. Aren’t you glad we did this for you?

“The only reason I appeared in ‘Break Stuff’ was because Fred [Durst] said he’d tickle my balls. I didn’t know he was going to do it with his tongue. Or that DJ Lethal was going to tape it. Awkward. I still can’t help but think about it when I listen to any of the records.”

That would be awkward.

“If I could have written any song ever, it would be ‘My Neck, My Back.’”

Great choice.

“It takes me 30 minutes each morning to do my hair.”

That’s a nice little fact.

“Guess what? Our guitarist is going to become a Jesus freak. Interesting no?”

He even predicts the future.

“The 2012 presidential election will be huge. Not just historic but huge. I won’t tell you which country’s election or why it will be historic, but it will be.”

Ooo, sounds crazy.

“I once cut open a Tauntaun while stranded outside during a really cold night in Detroit and slept in it. I should also mention, I was on an insane amount of drugs when that happened.”

See how open this man is being? Is there any point in me interjecting between quotes at this point? Nope. Oh well, fuck it. I’m going to keep doing it.

“I once had sex with Martha Stewart. She’s was on an insane amount of drugs when that happened.”

Whoa. Greatest songwriter ever sleeping with the greatest homemaker ever, how ‘bout that?
“I don’t know how to type, which I blame on coming from a broken home.”

For shame.

“I sometimes wish I was born as Alicia Keys. Then I cry myself to sleep.”

I’ve got nothing.

“I hate America.”

Whoops, might’ve got that line mixed up with one of those Bin Laden videos.

“I found Pi to the 64th digit, but I’m not telling you any of the numbers.”

A genius.

So that’s it folks. We spent years coming up with this. Hope you enjoy it. Stay tuned for our next study, which chronicles Fred Durst’s run as a guidance counselor, including what not to do with a big pile of shit and where to stick cookies.