I Like It Too

I’m not one to listen to radio for music that much. If I have on the radio it’s more often than not some type of talk radio instead of music.

But today I was in the car with my mom and my brother, who happened to be sitting in the front and thus controlled the radio. I don’t know what station we were listening to, nor do I care all that much.

What I do know, however, is that while in the car I heard one song that I’m not even sure how to categorize. It might be my new favorite pop song ever. Well, just favorite song ever because I don’t think I have a favorite song ever, much less different favorite songs in different genres.

The song is “I Kissed a Girl” by Katy Perry.

I thought I’d breakdown the song for you fine people and together we can decide whether or not we’re ready to declare Ms. Perry the singer of my favorite song ever.

So it starts off with some head-noddingly-approved drums, making me think the song about to play would be some type of loud, rowdy song that drunken English people yell out together while at a pub when watching soccer futbol.

But it doesn’t turn into that, yet.

A few seconds into the song a deep female voice starts to sing, and off we go:

“This was never the way I planned/ Not my intention/ I got so brave, drink in hand/ Lost my discretion”

Alright, so far so good. She got drunk and is about make a bad decision, probably involving some sort of sexual activity. Nice. I hear these special drinks are a way to make ladies mistakenly wake up in your bed tomorrow. Well, those and roofies.

“It's not what, I'm used to/ Just wanna try you on/ I'm curious for you/ Caught my attention”

Pretty much where I thought we were heading. Some drunken experimentation. Is he married? Gay? Black? I’m excited to find out. I get the feeling daddy will be mad, and who doesn’t like a rebellious female? And onto the chorus.

“I kissed a girl and I liked it/ The taste of her cherry chapstick/ I kissed a girl just to try it/ I hope my boyfriend don't mind it/ It felt so wrong/ It felt so right/ Don't mean I'm in love tonight/ I kissed a girl and I liked it/ I liked it”

Well, didn’t see that one coming. But I too, like it. Well actually, I don’t like cherry chapstick, but I’ve never kissed anyone who was wearing any. But the few times I’ve worn some, for chapped lips, I didn’t enjoy it at all. It’s like the taste of cherry on your lips, but it’s chapstick. Every few minutes I’d be like “Nice! Cherry!” Lick my lips, wait a second…disgust. That’s my experience with cherry chapstick, but maybe it’s better when you’re trying to figure out if you’re bisexual.

“No, I don't even know your name/ It doesn't matter/ Your my experimental game/ Just human nature”

She’s totally just using that other girl just to have a battle of the tongues. It just keeps getting better. Well at least for us straight males it does. The way I see this breaking down: Asexuals won’t like this, mainly because they don’t seem to like anything; straight males will enjoy the song if only for the prospect of seeing girls make out, but will only admit liking it for that reason; gay males will like this song because it’s catchy and they can sing along without having to change any of the words; straight females will like it because it will give them an excuse to make out with each other- when will they realize no excuse is necessary though?; and lesbians won’t like it because of the boom in straight girls making out that will follow, sending them mixed signals, only to go home disappointed and alone, probably the same way they felt when they were in that I-know-I’m-gay-but-can’t-come-out-stage. Sorry, that was mean.

But kind of true, come on, you know it is. I’m an ass.

Anyway, the song continues on talking about how awesome it is for girls to kiss each other. Hard to disagree. We get the last verse:

“Us girls we are so magical/ Soft skin, red lips, so kissable/ Hard to resist so touchable/ Too good to deny it/ Ain't no big deal, it's innocent”

Well she’s sold me at this point. But here’s the conundrum: is it innocent? First, think of the lesbians. If girls are just making out all willy nilly where ever they are it’s giving false hope to lesbians everywhere. That’s not nice. I’d say girls kissing for the sake of kissing might also throw off males hoping to hit on them, but I don’t see too many guys who would see two girls make out and his first, second and possibly third reactions would be anything other than “woo,” high five, “woo.”

I’m thinking I’m late to this song, though. Like I said, I heard it on the radio today. My brother seemed to know the song, as she he sang along with the chorus.

“I kiss a girl, and I like it,” he said.
“You better have, or else mom and dad will kick you out of the house,” I replied.
“Shut up. We’d love you no matter who you liked kissing,” my mom said to my brother.
“I like girls.”

I did some research on Ms. Katy Perry to see who was responsible for such a high/low point in pop history. According to two sites that can be edited by anybody, she is a pastor’s daughter. Well that explains a lot, doesn’t it folks? No, I guess not. So then I thought, the only way to fully figure out if I like this song or not is to see the singer, of course. What kind of male music fan would I be if I didn’t decide if I like a female artist’s music based at least partially on her looks? A shitty one.

So I searched for a music video, and found one. But what was in the video was a bit unsettling.

1) An attractive female singer? Sure.

2) Other attractive females in the video? Yep

3) Girls kissing? …? Really? None at all?

I watched the video a good 5 times, which is probably the most I’ve watched any video where I was told girls would be kissing and didn’t kiss. Not a peck, a blown kiss or anything.

I was really starting to warm up to the song too. I should re-phrase, but I’m so angry I refuse to use the backspace key right now. See how good a typer I am?

But really, is this what pop music has resorted to? Faux lesbianism.

Then again, maybe it’s time pop music has welcomed in an era of love songs from woman to woman, whether or not the singer has truly taken part in any lesbianic activity, or if it’s more on the fantasy side.

Alright lady pop stars, it’s up to you now. Either start making out with each other or just singing about making out with each other. Faux lesbianism is the next great step for pop music. Someday I see this ranking second on the greatest thing to ever happen to pop music behind lip-synching so the performer can focus completely on dancing while performing.

We'll be like Lilith Fair, just you know, without all that real kissing.