Sigh

I hate to keep updating like this, especially when I really don't have anything to say. I feel as though I'm hogging the internet. Oh well, too bad.

I fucking hate my roommate's cousin. I feel like I've been hinting at it increasingly over the past few weeks. After tonight I'm pretty sure I can say it's hatred. I hate him and all others like him. I could be talking about black people, but I'm not (yet). I'm talking about stupid people. I just can't stand them, and he's a fucking moron.

And it's not just that he's dumb, but he's just really loud and obnoxious. It's one thing to be stupid, but it's another to let everyone within a 30 ft radius know how stupid you are. I swear, I know when he's in my room within walking three steps out of the elevator. He's that loud, and he's always talking. It's like Name That Tune; I can tell if he's in my room in two steps.

Sorry about that. Anyway, I can't stand him. Tonight he was in my room, and he spent an hour looking up wives of NBA players. An hour. One entire hour. Just looking up pictures of wives of NBA players. I mean, I'm sure they're all very attractive.

But as he was looking them up he was constantly, and loudly of course, wondering how these average looking to flat out ugly dudes were "pulling." Hmm, I don't know. Could it be because they're fucking NBA players who make millions upon millions of dollars? Not to mention as professional athletes it's safe to assume they all have fairly decent bodies. I just, I can't. Like, how? I don't get it. An hour.

And since it was Saturday, I was watching "Saturday Night Live," because I'm a loser who enjoys that show. Tonight's musical guest was Beyonce. Perhaps you've heard of her. Hell, here's a reminder of what she looks like.



Yeah, not too bad. She can sing, "Adaham Lincoln is a douchebag who should fall off a cliff and die" over and over, and it'd be the highlight of my life at this point. So she's performing, wearing a bit less than what you see above. So that was distracting. I don't even remember what the songs were about!

So he sees her, and of course starts wondering why she's with Jay-Z. "Jay-Z man, what's she doing with him? I mean, I know he's got money and all..." I guess this one's a little harder to understand than why some girl with a cute face marries an ugly millionaire NBA player. But then again, Jay-Z has a lot of money. But so does Beyonce. I'm going to say that maybe she just likes his personality. I don't know him, but I'm sure he's charming. And really rich.

He keeps going on. I'm not paying attention to him at this point. I'm thinking about Beyonce running me over with her car, and how that might be the best way to go out I can think of. Then I hear him calling my name. I look back and sure enough, he's talking about me and eventually to me.

"Yo, I bet even Lincoln thinks she's hot." Huh, I look back. "Yo Lincoln, you think Beyonce is hot?" Who? "Beyonce." Oh, um, yeah. She's quite pretty. "Yoooo man! See, even white boys think she's nice."

Oh, I now speak for all white people. So that's cool.

He then smiled at me. Like we bonded or I just told him this huge secret. We didn't and I didn't. I could've mentioned I used to think those other two ladies in Destiny's Child were pretty too, although I don't remember their names and haven't seen either one since they were singing about surviving while on an island in vibrantly colored rags.

But Beyonce? If you're going to ask white people if they think a black woman is attractive, why use Beyonce? I mean, it's Beyonce. She's like really pretty. And not dark. Come on now. She's definitely acceptable for us white folk to fawn over. I've only had one friend (that I know of) ever say out loud he didn't think she was that pretty, but that dude's fairly racist.

So, what's the ruling? Is this really someone that non-blacks can say they find attractive without feeling icky and like traitors to their own race?



Before SNL started I was watching "Sportscenter," because I'm also really manly. He noticed one of the kickers on a college football team was black, and made a 26-yard field goal. "Psh, I could've made a 26-yard field goal," he scoffed at the TV. But you didn't. You sat watching a TV, only commenting on things you can do, like make a 26-yard field goal or score 19 points in a Division I college basketball game. You also made note of when you thought an athlete on the screen had a nice haircut.

You can't go 30 seconds without saying something that makes me want to take a shovel to your face. You find the dumbest thing hilarious, like when my roommate told you the story of how his "Big Pimpin'" mp3 wasn't of the highest quality, so when it came on his iPod he'd have to turn up the volume and forget to turn it down before the next song come on. Yeah, that was a winner. Oh, remember the part where he said he just started skipping the song until he just deleted it all together? Yeah, I didn't find that amusing, but you laughed so hard you were bent over holding your stomach cause you were laughing so hard.

God, if you're up there, why? That's all I want to know. I'm not the best person, I know. I don't pray or take part in any type of religion. But does that make me a bad person? I sit around silently judging everyone around me, fine. I usually find the worst qualities in people and assume I won't like them, so I don't really bother with taking a chance to get to know them. I get it.

But why? I've never stolen anything or murdered anyway. I haven't raped anything. Some people even find me amusing. I occasionally make people laugh. Isn't that something to help me get on your good side? I hold doors open for people, too.

So why? What do I end up in close quarters with incredibly stupid people seemingly all he time? What do I need to do differently to get a roommate who doesn't talk or isn't an idiot? Or to get one without a close relative or friend who's a fucking moron? I don't want a roommate to be my best friend. I don't need that. Just one who doesn't make me want to break a Beyonce CD in half and slit my wrists. Please.