the hell is going on

Wanna know something that sucks? I'm sick! That sucks! I woke up a couple nights ago to go pee and I had uncontrollable tremors! So that was pretty nice, and I had a fun time with it. I always wondered what my dog felt like when she was having seizures, and now I know: terrible!  She felt like terrible!  I had some creepy halucinatory dreams as well.  I mean, I hope they were dreams, but I don't really know.  Zombies were everywhere.  And I was at school, of course.

There's a church right near my house that always puts really awesome little exclaimations on its bulletin board, like "Hallelujah!" or "Praise the lord!"  Recently, they've been trying to spice it up a bit, and make it funny or interesting, I guess, but some of these things just don't even work.  Here's one I remember from recent days: "'I hate it here.' - Satan"  What does that even mean?  That's a good thing, I guess, isn't it?  I mean, we're not supposed to make it an awesome place for Satan, right?  So... mission complete, Christianity?  Good.

I just saw a picture of Michelle Obama, Barack's wife, and, I know this is probably a terrible thing to say, and I guess I'm not really helping politics, feminism, or really humanity in general by saying this, but, Barack, I think you can do better.  I mean, look at them in this picture:

Just check out their expressions.  She's overjoyed, and why shouldn't she be?  She's snagged a champ way out of her weight class.  She's a cruiserweight champ at best, maybe on a good day she can grab the Intercontinental Title, but that's after a lot of training and a shit load of luck.  Barack, on the other hand, is World Heavyweight material.  And you can see on his face that he knows it's time for an upgrade.

Now, there are few routes he can take with this.  He could just go for the super hot retard, a fine choice for any successful male in our society.  I suggest that bitch from the Pussycat Dolls.  How hilariously stupid would she sound next to Barack?  He'd say something moving about racism, and then she'd say something about how her vagina is made of chocolate, and that's where the phrase "chocolate fever" comes from.  It comes from people wanting her vagina.  Wikipedia says shes not even black, but come on, this is America.

He could also go for the dignified wise old lady, but this is dangerous, because she's likely to seem too much like everyone's mom, including his.  And that's creepy.  But I think they could pull this off.  Someone like the oracle from the first two Matrix movies, but not the last one.  I guess the lady that played her is dead, but that's not really a big deal either.

Obviously I'm still halucinating, and nothing in this post should be blamed on me, because I'm clearly temporarily insane.  But you deserve a blog post, and goddamn it, I'm giving it to you.