When's the last time you spent the entire day inside

I came close today, but left my room around 8 just to not feel like a complete waste of life. You see, I wanted to watch a tennis match this morning (I know, I'm gay), and the match was taking place in Australia and airing live at 3:30 this morning. I thought, fuck it, I'll just stay up and sleep after the match, or not at all, I'm in college woooo! Crazy times! Then I was like no, I need a nap, a catnap to be specific.

So last night I took a nap, accidentally. I feel asleep during Conan, when I actually meant to fall asleep after it because he had on guests I wanted to watch. Whoops. I feel asleep in my clothes, on top of my blanket at around 1-ish, I think. I woke up at 4, and the match was just getting under way. It lasted until after 8. Yeah, long.

Then I went to sleep and woke up at about noon. I ate a Pop Tart, did some reading and then watched TV, and yes, I watched a repeat of the match I just stayed up until 8 watching that morning. It was the only thing on, but in my defense, they skipped around a bit because it was so long and the broadcast was seriously cutting into ESPN 2's Super Bowl coverage, where the over-analyze every fucking aspect of one football game for two straight weeks and interview anyone who is associated with football somehow and is willing to appear on camera. Want to know how it's going to end. Steelers win. They have a really good defense, and the team with the really good defense always wins the fucking Super Bowl. Pregame could've been 10 minutes, and it still would've been too long. My god, I like football 50 weeks out of the year, but these two are insufferable. Five hours to show an incredible tennis match is way too much ask for ESPN 2. Two! Nobody is watching ESPN 2 for Super Bowl coverage! Show my tennis!

Anyway, I stayed inside a lot today. Then around 8 I left. I had food I could eat in my room, so eating wasn't in the plan. I was just going to walk around a bit, then come back. Turns out it's really really cold outside. And it apparently snowed all day, and the school was all "Hey, sucks for you guys. The Super Bowl is on Sunday, so we're taking Friday off," and decided not to salt the stairs or gigantic hill I have to walk down every day. Needless to say, I came close to falling a lot. Since I barely made it down the hill, I figured I would have a lot of difficulty walking up the hill. To the bus!

I've written before about how much I dislike taking the bus, or campus shuttle, on weekend nights. And tonight was no different. When I got on the shuttle, there were about five of us. I got excited. We got to the next stop and about 35 more people got on. I got angry.

They were mostly girls, most of whom seemed to be drunk already. They pretty much all looked alike. Shoulder-length hair, two arms, two legs, black top, skirt and heels. And they all had this screeching, high-pitched voice, and just yell at each other instead of talking, like there's this loud noise they have to speak over when truthfully, they're the only loud things within an earshot. Anyway, I was seated towards the back of the bus, which was a mistake on my part. As my last post mentioned, I'm not black. But it was an even bigger mistake because they all ran to the back of the bus as soon as they got on. And as another one ran back there, all the others near me would scream her name, followed by what I can only assume is their impression of a Velociraptor. I was so out of place.

A few of them yelled out things like "Hey [insert name here], you slut!/bitch!" Yet, when one of them sits down next to me and I call her a cunt I'm a bad guy all of a sudden. I'll never figure this gender out. And if they're cringe-inducing shrieks weren't enough, they then broke out in Beyonce's "Single Ladies." I don't know why. They then talked about who they were going to make out with that night (Hint: not me) and how drunk they prepared to get (a little more than they already were). They didn't say, but I suspect that isn't the order of how their night went.

Most of them got off before my stop, and I felt pretty relieved. Then I noticed two guys sitting near me who took out a rather large bottle of alcohol and started drinking on the bus. They of course waited for the crowd to leave so they had room to drink, and wouldn't have to share. Yet by the time they took the bottle out they were about 30 seconds from their stop.

I got off the bus and came back to my room. Plans for tomorrow: stay inside all day. Plans for Sunday are the same, except that's the day when I usually have a meeting for the newspaper, but luckily for me, that was canceled because of, sigh, the Super Bowl.

SD Movie Review!

Hey kiddos, Adaham here. It's Thursday night, I have no class on Friday and my normal plans for Thursday night were canceled (the TV shows I watch were repeats). So I had to think quickly when looking for something to do tonight. People were using the washer and dryers, the Australian Open was going live for hours and I'm not going to do something productive.

I searched and searched and channel surfed until I found something, and boy did I. It was looking bleak for a while, then I came upon "Save the Last Dance," the Julia Stiles- Sean Patrick Thomas vehicle about growing up and trying to overcome the odds stacked against you to get out of your shitty neighborhood while everyone else stays behind and throws their life away, while trying to find love, in high school, with someone of a different race. As you can see, it deals with some heavy topics.

Now, you're most certainly thinking, "But Adaham, you're a man who likes to laugh. Why are you doing watching that kind of movie?"

I know. It's odd. But here's where life imitates art, as always. Next year I'm looking to move off campus, mostly because as a senior I'm not guaranteed housing on campus. After searching far and wide, it looks like I'm going to be living in a house with three fellas, all of whom are of the black-skinned variety. So before next fall, I plan to take in as much pop culture as I can about their culture, and about integrating myself into it to make a really easy transition. This was probably the best movie that I could've watched.

Basically, Julia Stiles is white. She moves to Chicago, where there are a lot of black people. They mingle, but she's so awkward and white and not down! OH NO! A black girl befriends her, teaching her da slang and taking her under he wing. But wait, this black girl in high school has a baby already? Crazy! Well, Julia Stiles falls in love with the girls brother, played Brando-like by Sean Patrick Thomas. He's also black, and waiting to get an acceptance letter (hopefully) from Georgetown, where he hopes to study to become a pediatrician. But wait a minute, he lives in a rundown neighborhood and hangs out with a bad crew, so he ends up in some crazy situations often. He's stuck between two worlds.

Julia Stiles and Sean Patrick Thomas meet and their chemistry together is so hot I had to open my window. They can't help but flirt, they're just so perfect for one another! When making plans to go a (black) night club one evening, Sean Patrick Thomas lets Julia Stiles know that this night club is going to be off the chain (not his words), and asks if she can keep up. She says she'll dance circles around him (her words).

Later at the night club, Julia Stiles is intimidated because she sticks out quite a bit... because she's white. And she's all stiff and like "Well hiya pals? This here dance party is just swell. Thanks ever so much for inviting me." And they're like "Gurl, chile, you don't belong here." And she's like yeah I do, and they're like nah. Then her two friends run off to the dance floor with some with fellas, leaving her alone, defenseless, scared and practically asking to be robbed. Well, just like the black knight in armor, Sean Patrick Thomas swoops in, reminding her of their prior agreement. "Shouldn't I be dizzy," he says, then pausing for two seconds, "because you said you'd dance circles around me." Julia Stiles doesn't want to dance, because she's white and awkward, but Sean Patrick Thomas drags her out to the floor (not literally), and she's dancing all white. Step, step, clap, head jerk, step, step, clap.

Other clubgoers watch on in horror. "What is she doing, two-stepping?" one girl from the balcony says. I'm not sure what happened after that because I was too busy cracking up. "Oh no she didn't!" I exclaimed. I ran around my room yelling and flailing my arms, then ran into the hall and yelled, "She's two-stepping ya'll!" "Oh hells nah," some guy yelled from his room. "Two-stepping?" He then burst into laughter.

When I came back, Sean Patrick Thomas was teaching Julia Stiles to dance in a classroom somewhere. Cool. Then I turned it off because I'm pretty sure this was a good start to my training. All I have to do is not two-step. Done. In no time I bet my roommates don't even realize I'm white. We'll all just three-stepping (?) together, looking like this:





Thanks "Save the Last Dance." I certainly plan on it.

I Think I'm Getting an Obaner

http://blogs.suntimes.com/sweet/2009/01/snowflakes_shut_down_washingto.html

I like this story, because I like our President telling everyone in his new home city that they're all giant pussies and not as tough as his two daughters, who I'm guessing aren't older than 10 but am too lazy to look up.

I also like this because the weather is so shitty outside right now I'm sitting in my room crying and contemplating not going to my last class of the day, which I'll of course go to but won't be happy about it. Fuck you Mother Nature, you dumb cunt.

Remember When I Was Awesome?

No? Well I'm going to tell you. I was awesome in high school. Maybe not awesome as in popular or anything like that, but just awesome. I was reminded how awesome I was in high school just today when I saw this picture.



That's of course "Chop Suey" by Edward Hopper, which I of course had to look up because I couldn't remember the name of it or who painted it. Oh well. There it is. A lovely painting. Anyway, in high school, I was in a writing class where the teacher gave us a writing prompt where we had to write dialogue between those two women, what were they talking about at that moment in time. This reminds me of my awesomeness because I was pretty awesome in writing classes in high school, or at least some of my teachers thought so. The teacher that gave that prompt thought so. And now I'm going to make you suffer through what I wrote for that prompt, or at least what I remember I wrote for that prompt, because I kind of like it. The lady in green is Mary and the women in Blue is Cheryl.

Cheryl: So as I was telling you, I woke up and didn't remember a thing. I was next to some guy with a dirty looking ponytail and he was naked. There was a camera on a tri-pod pointing at the bed. But here's the weird part, I was fully clothed. I have no recollection of the night.

Mary: Oh my god. What'd you do?

Cheryl: I left. It wasn't a house I ever remember going to, nor a street I ever remember being on. I don't even remember the street name. I asked the cab driver the name, but I don't know. It took like 35 minutes to get home once the cab came. It's just terrible.

Mary: Well, do you fell, you know, sore? Down there?

Cheryl: Not really. I don't know.

Mary: Hmm, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but sounds like you were raped.

Cheryl: Oh my god. That's terrible.

Mary: I know. What are you going to tell Richard?

Cheryl: Oh my god, Richard. My wonderful husband. He doesn't deserve any of this. He goes away on business for one week, and I end up getting raped. And on film! I'm a horrible person.

Mary: It's not your fault. Listen, just don't tell him.

Cheryl: What if he finds the video? He watches porn... a lot.

Mary: Rape porn?

Cheryl: Yeah!

Mary: That's gross.

Cheryl: I know, he has a problem.

Mary: Well Cheryl, you have to tell him.

Cheryl: I know. It's just-

Mary: Hold on a sec Cheryl.

Cheryl: What is it?

Mary: There is a cutie totally checking you at at seven o'clock. He is sitting there, starring at you. He's not even blinking.

Cheryl: Where? Seven o'clocl?

Mary: Don't turn around, he'll see you.

Cheryl: But he's cute?

Mary: Adorable. But the starring is freaking me out a bit. He's completely fixated on you. He's not even touching his soup.

Cheryl: Well, I am gorgeous.

Mary: True. Wait, this is really weird.

Cheryl: What?

Mary: He's painting something now.

Cheryl: What?

Mary: He has an easel and a paint pallet, and he appears to be painting. I can't believe they're letting him do this in the restaurant.

Cheryl: Yeah that does sound odd. You think he's painting me?

Mary: I don't know. He keeps looking over here at you. He must be painting you.

Cheryl: You think I should go talk to him?

Mary: No, don't get up.

Cheryl: What should I do.

Mary: I don't know. This is freaking me out. He really doesn't look as cute when he's painting. He's starring at you with this really angry look on his face, then he looks at the painting with an angry face and looks back at you. Occasionally he paints something, but it's more of him angrily looking at you and his painting. I'm nervous. He looks crazy.

Cheryl: Ew. What should we do.

Mary: I don't know. Let's just sit here, completely still. Maybe he's like a T-Rex, and if we stay still, he won't be able to see us anymore.

Cheryl: Sounds like a plan to me. Let's sit still.

Mary: No talking either, cause that's like moving.

Cheryl: Okay.

Aaaannnnndddd scene. Alright, I added in the rape stuff. I think I probably would have gotten in trouble for that in school. I used the first few lines, up until where she told her she was raped. I used the husband, minus the rape porn, and then the ending of it. But yeah, I think adding in the rape stuff was a nice touch on my part, because it really gives the piece this seriousness to it that I was lacking before. That instantly takes it from jokey piece of shit to ready to be performed in front of a middle school during Don't Rape Week.

hot.pork's Facebook Profile

Something's odd here...

What... the... FUCK? OHHHH MAN!

I'm gonna be a bit tough to find for the next several days.  Classes are about to start, and I just got a new synthesizer/vocoder.  So I just wanted to make sure I dropped some knowledge on you guys before I disappeared for a bit, while I learn to play the Final Countdown.

I took an online class, and half our grade was discussion, so we had to reply to a lot of messages on the discussion board.  I expected this to be awful, a lot of "good point!" and "I agree" posts, but throughout most of the class, I was disappointed.  It had gotten to be almost the last day of class, with most people just posting things when they actually had something to say (besides me).  And then one classmate dropped this truth-bomb on us:

Thanks, guy.  And you're welcome, reader.

I Might Be Going Away For A While

I was on a bus today and my mom called me. I usually don't talk on the phone while I'm on the bus, but I forget to take something to read or listen to, so I talked to her for a bit.

She told me that my dad is going to have to go to China for at least a month sometime soon. He just got back from China yesterday, but someone important over there quit and I guess that means he has to go back for a while. For the past few years my dad has traveled to China every few months for work, or as we tell people, to visit his other family which may or may not be a lie. My mom said my dad might have to start going to China more frequently and staying for a few weeks at a time from now on, which sucks (for him).

She then said my dad told his boss if he's going to have to go to China so often and for so long, they're going to have to send his family (i.e. us) over once in a while to visit. She wasn't sure what his boss said.

Here seems like a good time to mention that the person in my family who loves my dad the most is our dog. Now, I think we all love him, of course, but it's been years since I've peed on the floor at the sheer sight of my father. It's probably been a few days, or couple of weeks for the dog. The dog is named Castro, because he's a Cuban breed of dog.

So while I was talking to my mom, I said, "Can we bring Castro with us if we go to China." I thought nothing of it, but apparently I said it loud enough to concern about four people sitting near me, who all looked back at me in horror. That's right, Castro, China, Lincoln's all working together to bring down this sorry country! They just kind of gave me odd looks, but didn't say anything. I didn't do anything, and hopefully they didn't either. But if they did, I guess this is goodbye.